


The Shadows Cling

by Deyaniera



Series: Shades and Shadows. [1]
Category: Luke Cage (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M, Marvel Universe, Superpowers, mcu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-14 10:50:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16038971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deyaniera/pseuds/Deyaniera
Summary: An AU where Shades and Che were in the army, and met a friend of Jeri Hogarth's while they were overseas.  When they get home, Shades looks her up and then they struggle with his obsession and his darkness.  Almost all the Marvel Netflix characters are mentioned, some more than others.  References to all the current Netflix events (except for Punisher and Iron Fist season 2) are there, and likely more will get inserted as I get caught up.---I wrote this as a total wish-fulfillment, and included a friend's original character just because I could.  It is jokingly labeled "but her name isn't Mary Sue" in my works-in-progress folder.  So, you know, enjoy but also buyer (reader) beware.





	1. Best friends are a pain.

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning: graphic violence, killing, kidnapping, and the occasional graphic sex scene. Discussion of trauma, PTSD. (Rape is referenced but not described.)

Mae put her hands on her hips and glared. “I am not going away.”

“You know that my Krav Maga instructor said I’m the best he’s ever trained with blades. And you know…” Elsa faltered, unsure how to say what she was thinking without sounding completely ridiculous. “About the other...thing. I’d use it!”

Mae put one hand on her shoulder. “El. We’re talking guns and shit. Your skill level wouldn’t matter. I can’t let you go without some training in the weapons that can actually protect you.”

Elsa sighed, Mae’s determination bright lemon and just as bitter in her head. But under that determination was love and true friendship. She didn’t have enough of those, and she couldn’t argue with Mae’s expertise. Not really. Mae had been there, and Elsa hadn’t. “Fine. Fine!”

Mae grinned. “It won’t be all bad,” she said. “We can go get Dunks after.”

Elsa tried not to smile and failed. Mae knew her too well.

 

They went to the gun range. Elsa had taken a handgun class long ago, so it wasn’t as terrible as it could have been. Mae was an excellent teacher, patient and inexorable. Elsa had a natural eye, and Mae trusted her enough to let her “absorb” knowledge, at least when it came to the process of taking care of the gun and everything. She didn’t actually expect Elsa to need to break the gun down in the middle of a fight. Mae just wanted her to know how everything worked.

By the end of the day, Elsa had a nice, tight grouping with both a rifle and a handgun, and Mae was satisfied. Perhaps even a little proud of Elsa. They left the range and went to Dunk’s. Elsa could tell Mae had one more thing to say, but she also knew better than to pry. Mae was one of those people you needed to let come to the words on their own. She ate her doughnut and waited. They’d been friends long enough not to need the artificial chatter that some people preferred to silence. Mae licked her fingers clean and looked into Elsa’s eyes. Elsa nodded slightly. 

“Hopefully, you won’t need this knowledge. But if you do…” Mae pointed one finger at her, underscoring the point. “Shoot to kill.”

Elsa opened her mouth. She hadn’t peeked in on Mae, so she hadn’t expected that. She closed her mouth a moment later and nodded. 

“I mean it, El. I know you. Don’t shoot to wound. You’ll be surrounded by people counting on each other to kill. If you wound someone, you risk their life as well as yours.”

“Army,” Elsa said, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Pfft. Jagoffs. But they’ll still do the job. And they’ll be protecting you. So, don’t fuck it up.” Mae stared into her eyes. Elsa felt what was coming, but she also felt how serious Mae was. 

“I don’t know—”

“That’s why I’m saying this. Make the decision now. Decide your life—and the life of those protecting you—matters more than some asshole who will want to kill you just because you’re there.” Mae’s emotions were tamped down, but Elsa could still feel some of what was leaking around the edges. Mae had killed. Mae knew how it felt. Elsa’s respect and love for the other woman rose. She was doing this out of duty and love, despite the pain it brought her. 

“Mae.” Elsa took the other woman’s hand and opened a channel between them, so she’d feel how serious Elsa was taking this. “I swear to you on all that I hold dear, I will protect myself and those around me as best I can. I am decided. I will shoot to kill.”

Mae smiled a bit crookedly. “Thank you, El. I just want you to come home. This whole thing has me on edge. I have a bad feeling about it.”

“I know. I want to come home, too.” Elsa sat back, releasing Mae’s hands. “But I need this contact. Jeri Hogarth is up-and-coming. Scuttlebutt says she’ll be a partner or have her own firm someday, and she can get me some really good cases. I’ll be able to get a place in the City and stop living out of hotel rooms.”

“I keep telling you that you could crash with me, any time.”

“And I keep telling you, your neighbors are too loud.” The rhythm of the old argument had them grinning at each other. 

“Just… be careful.” Mae said. Elsa nodded. She hoped that Mae wasn’t clairvoyant…but if she was, Elsa thought, at least I am warned.


	2. The Desert meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa gets overseas, meets Shades and Che, and is injured.

The desert was not what Elsa expected. It held life in odd ways, and the people who lived in it all the time loved it. She did the work that Hogarth had hired her for, and that was all well and good. Carrying the paperwork for the firm in a crossbody bag, she couldn’t help feeling smug. Hogarth would owe her bigtime. She’d gone beyond the verbal advice and done what Hogarth was really hoping for—and thanks to her empathy powers, everyone walked away happy. 

The military convoy that picked her up was full of laughter with an undercurrent of steel. Elsa could not have remembered all the names without the tags, but the man they called “Shades” stood out to her. He was quiet, his mind clear as a still pool. The man called “Comanche” didn’t leave his side. She got the feeling there was something between them, but then again, military comraderie could be misleading. 

The commander ordered move out despite the heat of midday beating down on them. They all piled into a convoy of Humvees. Elsa ended up between a guy named Catfish and Comanche. Shades was in front, next to a guy whose nickname she never caught. Catfish was annoying—one of those people whose mind never shut up. His mental commentary was distracting, and Elsa worked to block him out. Comanche, who she learned was called “Che” by his friends, was easier to handle. His mind wasn’t as quiet as Shades’ but he wasn’t doing a running commentary of every rock and bump. 

The explosion threw everything into sharp relief. The dying minds of the front crew raked across her awareness and caused her to scream in pain and fear. Comanche threw himself across her, yelling something completely incomprehensible to her to the man on her other side. Elsa picked the words from his mind: “Defend, there’s likely incoming!”

Catfish didn’t respond. Elsa realized he was dead when the ringing in her ears was the only sound after the remaining living beings all started focusing on defending themselves and Catfish’s commentary wasn’t among them. She felt a pang of grief, irrational but there, and then survival became her only goal. She checked the bag, automatically, her cargo important to her as well. The bag was intact, still secure. She checked her knives—Mae hadn’t convinced her to bring a gun, though she could use one. She glanced at the rifle that Catfish was still holding loosely but couldn’t bring herself to take it. 

Comanche shoved the door on his side open after checking for enemy in sight. They left the vehicle as a group, Shades and Comanche the only survivors in this hummer besides Elsa. They grouped tightly around her, weapons up and eyes roving. Once they had a destination, they headed for nearby cover, brush and hills. Two others of their unit from the vehicle behind them were still alive, but both were badly wounded. Elsa helped with field bandages, as Comanche called for aid. 

“We have to get closer for pickup,” Che reported. “This area is too open.”

“I can walk,” said Dragon, who was visibly badly wounded, bleeding everywhere. The other man, last name Jackson, call name unknown, wasn’t even speaking. Elsa touched his forehead, and realized he was dying. Internal injuries of some sort, she guessed, since he wasn’t bleeding that she could see. 

“Hey,” Shades nudged Elsa. “You hurt?” 

Elsa touched her ears, trying to let him know she couldn’t hear. She kept picking the words from his mind, but her ears were ringing badly; her entire head hurt, and it was difficult to think. Shades took her hand, guided it to her side. She was bleeding. She touched the wound, did an internal check. She didn’t feel badly, but… She lifted her shirt, peeling it away from her skin. The gash was ugly and oozing but didn’t seem deadly. She let Shades field bandage it. His hands were light and gentle, his focus (thankfully) on getting everyone out alive. She tried to ignore the electricity she felt from every touch. He felt it, too, though, and that was harder to ignore. She could see he was bleeding from a head wound but looked unhurt other than that. Comanche was shaking his head; Elsa knew that feeling. His ears were bothering him, but he was unhurt otherwise. 

Shades took his glasses off, and his brown eyes bored into hers. Elsa couldn’t have looked away if she’d wanted to. He spoke slowly, seeming to expect her to read his lips. She didn’t let on that it wasn’t that. “We’re going to have to move out. Can you walk?” Elsa nodded. “Can you shoot?” She nodded again, grateful to Mae for being such a stickler. She hoped she’d be able to thank Mae in person. 

Shades handed her his sidearm. She checked it, like Mae had taught her, clicked the safety off and then back on, and pointed it down. Shades nodded, then pulled a knife. “You get caught, you can go down fighting.” 

Elsa smiled, and shook her head negatively. She didn’t trust herself to speak, given that she could not hear. So, she just drew and showed him her favorite knife. 

“Kitten has claws,” he said with a smile. “I like it.”

Elsa flushed, tried not to smile back and failed. _You have no idea,_ she thought. She didn’t mean to send it, but his reaction showed she clearly had. She looked away to slide the knife home, avoiding his curious gaze. She usually had a much harder time getting into someone else’s head. She wondered if he were also enhanced.

Dragon threw a fit when Shades said it was time to move out, not wanting to leave the bodies of the dead men behind. Che finally grabbed him by the neck, yelling into his face about their mission. Elsa stepped up, touching both men, exerting her power to soothe Dragon. His grief was crushing—one of the dead had been his best friend. Elsa had to fight hard to keep his emotion from influencing her, but her initial power had worked. Dragon fell in line. They moved out. Elsa pushed herself, working to feel the area around them with her empathy. Twice, she was able to sense the intent to harm and stop them before they walked into an ambush. She could feel Shades’ eyes on her, feel his curiosity and his wariness, but he listened to her. 

They arrived at the outpost after nightfall. Elsa was utterly exhausted. The last few hours, in addition to working to sense any enemy, she’d been alternating with the other men to help Dragon walk. He was bad off, and the medics took him away immediately. The commander sent them to another convoy, stating that their mission took priority. Their mission being get her home. She looked at Shades, who had finally taken his sunglasses off for good well after nightfall. He looked as tired as she felt but nodded at the commander. Che, as usual, fell in behind Shades. 

The two men walked alongside her at alert and sat next to her, one on each side, as this convoy drove her into the safe zone. Elsa fell asleep leaning against Shades and woke up with his emotions and thoughts tangled in her own. Blinking, she glanced up at him and met his eyes. His desire to kiss her made her lick her lips, but she forced herself to sit upright. 

“How are your ears?” Shades murmured.

Elsa smiled. “I can hear you, so that’s a nice change.”

“Don’t be surprised if you have some tinnitus. You’ll want to get checked out…” Shades abruptly frowned. “Shit. We should have gotten that wound checked.”

Elsa waved a hand. “It’s fine.”

Che spoke up, his emotions tinged with anger and jealousy, though his voice showed none of that. “We’ll be at the hotel. We’ll get you some fresh bandages, call a medic—”

“No.”

“Ma’am—”

“No,” Elsa said more firmly. “I don’t mind fresh bandages, but I’d rather not have any other fuss.”

“Ma’am—”

“Elsa,” she said, thinking he’d forgotten her name. 

“Ma’am,” Che repeated. He was distancing himself. It made Elsa a bit sad, she realized. She liked Che. “We’re responsible for your safety. I’m going to—”

“Che.” Shades said it very quietly. Something passed between the two men, something Elsa couldn’t touch or feel. Shades didn’t say another word, but Che nodded and fell silent. 

The door opened, and Shades got out first. He was like a coiled snake, his eyes sweeping the area. Elsa could feel an energy from him. She wondered if he’d been like Mae and had some experiment or other done on him. He seemed ‘more’ than the others around him, but perhaps that was just her perception. Che had gotten out the other side, cleared it, and joined them. Elsa felt humbled by the attention. She hadn’t earned it, but they took their job seriously. 

They entered the hotel, and as though they’d rehearsed it, Shades escorted her to a secure corner and stood in front of her while Che got the room information and key. They were on the sixth floor, and for a moment Elsa feared the men would ask her to climb the stairs. To her relief, they didn’t. Elsa really wanted to clean up and sleep, but they insisted on checking the room, her bags (which had been set on one of the beds), and the bathroom just in case. Finally, she was free to shower. She carried a small bag of toiletries and soft clothes to sleep in with her and took the best shower of her life. She peeled the makeshift bandage off and washed the wound, though it was difficult to see because of where it was. The soap stung, making her grit her teeth. It felt, to her inexperienced hand, like it was a bad slice, but not deep.

Elsa finished her shower and checked the wound in the cloudy mirror. It was high on her ribcage, angling down to her stomach. It stopped short of her belly button, but it seemed to be leaking. She hadn’t thought to bring a bra into the bathroom, since she didn’t sleep in them, but… She swore to herself, pulled on her panties and sweats, and then cracked the door. Snoring from Che greeted her, and then Shades was there. 

“You ok?” he asked softly. 

“My wound—”

“Is it bleeding again?”

“Oozing,” she admitted. 

“Open up,” Shades said firmly, putting a large hand on the door and pushing. Elsa wrapped the towel around her breasts and backed up. He stepped closer, then dropped to one knee, his face suddenly on a level with her navel. She could not help the soft gasp that escaped her, because she could feel what he felt. He was feeling a great deal that had nothing to do with her wound.

“Shades,” Elsa murmured. He looked up at her, his dark eyes amused. “What’s your real first name?”

“Hernan,” he replied, finally turning his attention to the slice across her ribcage and down. He traced below it, making her shiver. 

“Hernan,” Elsa said softly. “When are you getting home?”

He chuckled darkly as he rose, and she was struck again by his physical presence. He was not a bulky guy, but he radiated power underlined with menace. He would not hurt her, she knew, but he would destroy anyone else who tried, and that was oddly reassuring. His voice, when he spoke, was distracted and quiet. “Was supposed to be gone a month ago.”

He reached behind her and grabbed a washcloth off a shelf above her, then dampened it. He crouched again, putting one hand on her waist. His bare skin against hers made her heart pound. He seemed oblivious, focusing on her wound, lightly pressing the cloth against it and then making a soft ‘hmm.’ “You need stitches,” he muttered.

“No,” she replied, trying to ignore the fact that he was lightly brushing her waist with his thumb. He liked how soft her skin was. Elsa tried to summon a glare. “That tickles.”

“Just trying to distract you,” he said with a slight twist of his lips. He stood up again, too close and too tall, and Elsa again felt overwhelmed. 

“Hernan…”

“Shh,” he said. “You keep saying my name like that and I’ll think you like me.”

Elsa snorted. “You keep standing so close and I’ll think you want something.”

“Just hoping that towel slips,” he said with a cheeky grin. And then he turned and left. She was torn between outrage and amusement. He came back with the first aid kit. She settled on amusement as he knelt again. He wiped the wound with the washrag, making her gasp. “This is all going to hurt,” he said. “Sorry.”

“You’re not going to stitch it, are you?” she asked, startled.

“No. The skin is too thin here.” He touched her ribs lightly above the wound. “I’d do more damage; I’m no medic. Just going to use some butterfly bandages.” He pushed her gently. “Sit. And…uh.” He grinned. “I’m going to need you to put your arm above your head.”

Elsa made a face at him. “You just want to see boobs.”

“I already admitted that,” Hernan said. Elsa shook her head and tried to hide her smile. He chuckled softly. “But, if you’re worried, I’m not going to do anything while I’m on duty. And I’m still on duty.”

“Well, let me know when you’re off duty,” Elsa said, and lifted her arm, letting the towel drop intentionally. She could have held it with her other hand, but… She’d wanted to know what he’d think and feel. She hadn’t expected his reaction. His emotions. 

Hernan’s gaze slid across her skin and felt like a physical caress. Elsa wondered again, at that sensation. But then again, he didn’t ‘feel’ in her head like other powered people she’d met, or even like Mae, who’d had experiments done on her. And then he knelt down, one hand on the thin fabric covering her thigh. She could not help but read his emotions through that contact. He wanted her, but he felt guilty. He loved Che, and while whatever was between them was attractive, he had to consider Che’s feelings. She liked him the better for it, even as she was mildly disappointed. 

Hernan picked up a clean cloth and touched the wound. When it came back still clean, he nodded. He turned to the first aid kit, pulling out the butterfly bandages and a couple long cheesecloth bandages. He looked back up at her. “Ready?”

Elsa nodded. Hernan pulled the wound together, making her hiss softly. He wasn’t kidding, it hurt. But he methodically closed the wound with the bandages, then put a bit of antibiotic gel on it before putting the big bandages over the wound and taping them in place.

Hernan sat back on his heels. “Swear to me you’ll get that looked at when you get home.”

Elsa leaned forward and cupped his cheek, rubbing her thumb against the stubble there. “I promise.”

Hernan rose on his knees so swiftly she had no chance to move even if she’d wanted to, and his hand cupped the back of her head. He kissed her thoroughly, leaving no question what he wanted, despite his feelings for the other man. When the kiss ended, she felt breathless. He slid his hand from her hair to her neck, his thumb rubbing her collarbone lightly. She had a moment to wish things were different, and then put her mind back together. She managed a crooked smile and spoke. 

“Hernan.”

“Yes?”

“Promise me you’ll look me up when you get back to the States.”

He laughed. “I promise.”


	3. Face to face again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shades fulfills his promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Consensual M/F sex, use of a derogatory term for gay.

             Elsa was sound asleep when her ringtone shattered the dream she’d been having.  She grabbed it, saw an unfamiliar number, and felt a sinking feeling.  Oh no.  Please let it be about a case...  “Hello?”

            “Elsa Korre?”

            “Speaking?”  Elsa’s heart was in her throat, then the voice on the other line chuckled, and something in her stomach relaxed.  Obviously, this was not an emergency.  But… that voice.  Who...?

            “Do you remember a few years back, when you were stuck with a bunch of Army assholes over in the desert?”

            Elsa pushed herself upright, realizing it was a call she’d thought was never coming.  “Hernan?”

            “Hi.  Back in the States, and I hear you’re not far away.  Wanna get a drink?”

            Elsa tried to get her brain back, putting her free hand on her forehead. “Now?”

            Hernan laughed.  “Why not?”

            “I have work in the morning?  It’s a weeknight, Hernan.”  Elsa couldn’t help but laugh.  “I thought you’d be out long before this.  Figured you’d forgotten about me.”

            “I never forgot,” he said softly, his voice husky. 

            “You never wrote back.”

            “Your envelope got torn, and you didn’t put a return address inside.  I was hoping you’d write again.”

            “Oh.”  Elsa felt rather foolish.  It hadn’t occurred to her that that was the issue.  She should have written her address inside the letter!  Well…  “Sorry, I never thought…”

            “At least it gave me what I needed to find you.  Why’d you leave Chicago?”

            “It’s a long story,” Elsa said, checking the time.  Who needs sleep?  She didn’t think she’d be able to fall back to sleep after this anyway.  “Buy me that drink and I’ll tell you.”

            “Now?”

            “Now.”

 

 

            They agreed to meet at a hole in the wall bar in Queens, since Elsa didn’t want to go far from home.  She might try to sleep again, after all.  Or so she told herself as she got ready, butterflies racing the Indy 500 in her stomach.  She put in a bit of effort, added makeup and even a few small accessories to her favorite little black dress.  She grabbed a nice bag that she could drape across her body and headed out.  Letting the walk clear her head, she focused on the night air and navigating the street in her favorite heels. 

            Elsa arrived first, as she’d thought she would since he said he was coming from Harlem.  It wasn’t terribly far, but it wasn’t down the street as it was for her.  She liked her neighborhood, liked that it was pretty central to everything but Staten Island, and really liked her brownstone.  Not to mention Astoria being right there, where some of the best food around hid in small family-run restaurants.  She shook her head, trying to push the thoughts away.  She loved Chicago, and it would always be home, but New York was magical in its own way, and she loved it, too.  

            Elsa went to the bar, ordered a coke and waited, watching the door and trying not to fret.  What if he didn’t show up?  She shouldn’t have worried, but the moments passed and she found herself with an empty soda glass before Hernan arrived.  Even her memory of the intense chemistry between them could not prepare her for the actual sight of watching Hernan walk through the door.  He was wearing a dark grey suit with a black shirt beneath, and a tie, even!  He looked like sex on wheels, and her lips tingled with the memory of his kiss.  Elsa had to work to school her face, especially when some of the other women in the bar caught sight of him.  Clearly, she was not alone in thinking he was worth a second or third look, or perhaps a first touch.

            When Hernan spotted Elsa, because she was so focused on him and because they’d connected before, she felt him in a way she hadn’t expected.  She felt his shock, felt his mixed emotions.  She sorted through it, realized he’d hoped that whatever fire had lit between them in the desert was just an illusion, borne by the heightened emotions of the moment.  He had hoped that he could put her behind him, focus on Che and on the growing connections he was making in Harlem.

            The thoughts that swirled around ‘connections’ made her wary.  Harlem was the source of many of her jury cases, and there were a lot of not-nice people there.  Of course, he might be one of the not-nice.  She didn’t know, and that made the butterflies worse.

            And then he stalked across the room, his eyes focused only on her, and Elsa could not help the pounding of her heart.  She had never forgotten that kiss, and every guy she’d gone out with since had had to live up to it.  None had, though one woman had.  That had ended as a fling, though.  She’d just resigned herself to work…but now, what would happen?

            Hernan leaned in, his lips brushing her cheek.  His cologne, spicy and somehow perfectly him, wrapped around her.  Elsa closed her eyes to enjoy it.  She had a moment to wish she’d turned her head, tried to catch his lips with her own, and then he spoke.  “I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

            A thousand flirty replies flitted through Elsa’s head as she opened her eyes and smiled at him.  “No,” she said, rejecting them all.  “Barely long enough to get a drink.”

            Hernan’s eyes flitted over her, and the warmth in them made her happy she’d dressed up a little.  This was her ‘plain’ black dress, though one she never wore to court.  It was cut short on one side, with an asymmetric hem, and she knew she looked good.  Hernan obviously agreed.  He reached over, brushed her hair back.  His touch made her skin prickle, and again she could feel his interest and his reluctance.  “Thank you for agreeing to meet me.  I keep odd hours, thanks to my new employer.”

            “Oh?  What are you doing these days?  And did Che make it home?”

            He chuckled and looked down.  “Yeah, Che’s around.  We came home together.”

            “I’m glad.”  Elsa meant it, and she hoped he knew that.

            “I’ll tell him you asked after him.”

            Elsa read that he was trying to avoid talking about work, but she didn’t really want to allow it.  She read too much in that brief touch, and she was hoping perhaps she was mistaken.  “So, your odd hours…?”

            “I’m helping a friend start a business,” Hernan said, smoothly. 

            “Really?”

            “Che’s helping, too.  We’re using some of our skills.  It’s good work.”

            Elsa blinked, wondering if she dared press him.  She was trying not to pry into his mind, and yet… he was so full of secrets now.  His emotions spilled over, his pride and worry, and she found herself dropping it despite her misgivings.  “How long have you been home?”

            “About a month.  Took a while to track you from Chicago to here.”  He paused to order a beer, and then turned his full gaze back on her.  “So, why’d you move?”

            “I got a better offer.  Related to the whole mess I was overseas for.  The woman I was doing the work for, she got promoted.  She’s my primary client now, but I do freelance, too.  Jury trial/selection work.”  Elsa did not add that she was going to be the best in the business, since that was due mostly to her powers, which were still a secret from most people.  She also had a strong feeling Hernan wouldn’t like them.  She grinned, thinking of her brownstone, which was almost hers outright, thanks to the bonus schedule she’d put into her contract with Jeri.  “Good benefits, too.”

            “Benefits,” he repeated, and then laughed.  His emotions felt bitter, like orange rind.  “Lucky you.”

            “Don’t you have army benefits?”

            “That doesn’t usually happen with a dishonorable,” he said, and the bitter flavor intensified. 

            “Oh, Hernan,” Elsa couldn’t help her reaction, she reached out to touch him.  The cloth of his suit was soft and cool beneath her fingers.  “I’m sorry.  I know you were trying for better.”

            “Yeah, well, I got busted for insubordination a lot.  It was no big, until…”  He stopped, but she heard the rest as if he’d projected it into her mind.  _Until they caught us._

            “Until?”

            “I’d rather not talk about it here.”

            Elsa weighed her choices in a long, silent moment.  She studied his profile as he took a long swig of beer and thought of his hands trying to be gentle on her ribcage.  “My house isn’t far.”

             He put the bottle down on the bar and looked at her, meeting her eyes.  “I don’t need a therapist.”

            Elsa lifted an eyebrow.  “Bullshit, Hernan,” she put a bit of effort into pronouncing his name the proper Spanish way that time.  “But I don’t just want to talk.”  She smirked.  “I could have talked to you on the phone.”  She felt his surprise, then lust and wariness.  None of it showed on his face at all, though his eyes were burning.   

             “Well, then.  I suppose I should escort you home before you start making dreadful decisions.” 

            Elsa laughed.  “You mean like meeting a strange man at a bar at 4am on a work night?”

            Hernan chuckled.  “Yeah, like that.”

            He paid for his beer and they left, walking out into the night.  Elsa rested her hand in the crook of his arm and could feel his turmoil.  She understood some of it; she knew bisexual men had a harder time of it than women.  Though, her own experiences were less complicated.  Plus, she didn’t have the bullshit macho culture to deal with.  She remained silent, until he finally chuffed.

            “I finally find a woman who doesn’t chatter aimlessly, and I can’t think of a thing to say.”

            Elsa was startled into bald honesty.  “Sure, you can, you’re just not sure you trust me.”

            “I don’t trust anyone.”

            “Except Che.”

            Hernan was silent; Elsa was worried she’d read him too deeply, but he didn’t feel angry, just contemplative.  Finally, he spoke, his voice so quiet she could barely hear him.  “It’s easy to trust someone when you love them.”

            “Am I intruding where I shouldn’t?”

            “No,” his swift response reassured her.  “We… It’s complicated.”

            “Love usually is,” she said wryly.

            “Yeah.  That’s the damn truth.”  They fell silent again, but it was more comfortable this time around. 

 

 

            They arrived at her brownstone after a few moments, and Hernan dropped back to allow her to climb the stairs and unlock her door.  Elsa caught him looking around, essentially guarding her back, and it made her smile.  She opened the door and glanced back.  “Coffee or booze?”

            “Por que no los dos?”

            Elsa laughed.  “Como quieras,” she replied.  “Bailey’s or amaretto or…?”

            “Bailey’s is fine.” 

            “Make yourself at home,” Elsa said, dropping her bag on the table near her door and leading the way into her living room.  She could feel Hernan behind her, his energy a warmth and presence bringing light into her home.  She headed through the narrow hall into her kitchen, putting coffee on and getting the Bailey’s out of her liquor cabinet.  She pulled her favorite coffee mug down, and another for Hernan.  Some imp of the perverse made her pick the giant, green Hulk mug for him.  She couldn’t imagine him losing it, but she just knew it would be explosive. 

            Elsa turned back to her coffee maker and spotted Hernan leaning against the doorway just watching her.  He’d taken the suit coat and tie off and was rolling up his sleeves.  The muscular forearms were perhaps a bit paler than she remembered, but still powerful.  She recognized one of the tattoos, though there were others she didn’t remember.  She propped a hip against her counter next to the coffee maker and watched him.  After a moment, he peered at her from beneath his brows and then ducked his head with an almost bashful grin. 

            Elsa couldn’t resist; she walked closer to him, taking one of his hands in hers.  “You were so gentle with me,” she murmured.  “Did I ever say thank you?”

            “No,” he said, his voice a bit hoarse.

            “I should have.”  She looked up into his eyes.  His face was open, at last.  Something about being in private had let him shed a measure of wariness. “Thank you, Hernan.”

            He raised his free hand, sliding his thumb along her chin to just under her lips.  He tilted her head just a little more, and then lowered his head to hers.  The kiss was gentle, soft, and then he parted his lips and his tongue teased her.  She thought he’d been a good kisser before, but now… he slid his hand into her hair and kissed her harder, his tongue sliding along hers, kissing her like he’d devour her.  She couldn’t help a moan escaping her. 

            He pulled back, pressed his forehead against hers.  “I promised myself I’d explain things before I…”

            “Shut up, Hernan,” she said, grabbing his head and kissing him, pressing her body against his.  As she got closer, she could feel his body, and moaned again, because every bit of him was rock hard and solid.  He kissed her back, nipping her bottom lip.  And then he pulled back again, sliding his hands down to her shoulders.  She resisted, trying to continue the kiss.

            “Elsa,” he murmured against her mouth.  “Stop.”

            She stopped, staring up at him feeling a bit mutinous but unwilling to push.  Something was bothering him enough to ignore the lust swirling up between them.  He had honor, she would give him that.  “Explain fast, then, cariño.”

            He did the head-duck thing again, chuckling.  “God, I feel like an awkward kid again.”

            Elsa lifted an eyebrow, surprised by that admission.  “Do I apologize?”

            Hernan shook his head.  “No, no.  I just need a moment.  I… I want you to know what you’re getting into.”  He let go of her, paced away, running a hand over his hair.  “I don’t know how to do this.”

            Elsa tilted her head and opened her powers up a little.  She always shut them down hard during sex; she didn’t want to know her partner wasn’t thinking about her, after all.  And fantasies were all well and good, but… well.  Some people were sick fucks and that had her sworn off opening herself up to those ever again.  She didn’t think Hernan was a sick fuck, but she liked him more than she’d liked anyone in a long time.  She didn’t want to find out; not yet anyway.

            “Hernan?  Are you worried I’d ask you to give up Che?”  The flinch told her she was right on, and Elsa nearly laughed.  “Oh, cariño.  No.”  She walked closer, touching his back lightly.  “I like Che.  And clearly, he’s important to you.”

            “We’ve been through a lot together.”

            Elsa rather thought that was the understatement of the year, but she didn’t make the joke. She could feel the tension in Hernan’s body.  She wrapped one hand around him, caressing his chest.  His hand came up and pressed it against his heart.  “He was here first,” she murmured.

            “Yeah, something like that.”

            “But you don’t want to be with him?”

            “I’m not a fag.”

            “You wouldn’t be with me, like this, if you were.  You’re bi.”

            “No,” he replied.  “It’s just Che.  I’m not—”

            “Hernan.”  Elsa turned him to face her, then took his face in her hands.  “Listen to me.  I’ve been with women.  I’m not straight either.  It doesn’t bother me.  What bothers me is that you’re so uncomfortable with him that you’d deny him his due.  If he’s your… partner, then he’s your partner.”

            “He’s... He’s always got my back.  We’ve been together a long time.  I trust him.”

            “You love him.”

            Hernan pulled away, scrubbed a hand down his face.  “I do, but… I need more.”

            Ah, Elsa thought.  There’s the key.  “More?”

            “I want kids.  Family.”  _People I can be proud of.  People I can build a life with._  

            Elsa heard the unspoken.  This was the truth, his truth, why he kept searching even though he’d found something pretty special with Che.  The gang—and Che—he needed them.  But he wanted more than the life offered. 

            “Oh, Hernan.”  She reached out to him again, touching his arm, wrapping her hand around it.  “I have no idea if this can be all that.  But you make me want to try.”

            He turned, looking startled, and gazed into her eyes for a long moment.  And then, it was as if something had broken free.  He cupped her cheek, his thumb stroking the skin gently, and then he kissed her.  His other hand pulled her against his body, and Elsa welcomed it.

            He pushed her back against her counter, continuing the kiss while his hands slid down to her waist, pulling the dress up.  Elsa returned the favor, her hands tugging the soft, silky shirt from his pants.  Her hands slid beneath it, wrapping around him.  His skin felt warm to her, the muscle beneath solid. 

            Hernan slid his lips along Elsa’s jaw, kissing her neck as his hands continued gathering the fabric of her dress.  He pulled it up to her waist, broke the kiss to stare into her eyes as he slowly slid it up her body.  She helped him pull it all the way off, and then stared up into his eyes as she began unbuttoning his shirt.  He stroked her arms, his dark eyes almost black as he took in her bra and panties.  Before she could finish unbuttoning his shirt he pulled it apart.  She heard a button scatter across the floor, and then she was staring at his chest.  She was unsurprised to see more tattoos and traced one unfamiliar one across his pectoral muscle.

            Hernan pulled Elsa against him again, and the contact of his bare skin against hers drove the tattoo from her mind.  She gasped as he bit her neck.  Elsa slid her hands over his hair, the stubble tickling her palms.  He kissed her again, then picked her up and set her on the counter.  His fingers had no trouble unhooking her bra.  She helped him peel it off and then cupped his head as he kissed his way down her collarbones to lick and suck her hard nipples. 

            Elsa moaned, and Hernan paused to straighten up and kiss her hard.  He cupped her ass and pulled her against his cock, grinding against her.  She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her breasts into his chest.  He broke the kiss, nipping her bottom lip, and then lowered himself slowly until he was kneeling before her, his face between her legs.  She could barely breathe; his energy was so intense. 

            Flickers of Hernan’s thoughts broke through Elsa’s shields, but they were hazed with red lust and focused completely on her.  Some tension inside her released, and she gazed down on him as he turned his attention to the thin fabric covering her pussy.  He pressed light kisses along her thigh, his hands curled around her legs, holding her still.  She held her breath as he looked up at her and slowly dragged her panties down and tossed them aside. 

            Hernan stared at her pussy, then leaned in and kissed it deeply, as if it were her mouth.  His tongue swirled around, making her gasp and squirm.  He gripped her thighs and held her in place.  She surrendered to the sensations, to his lust, to her own desires.  Abruptly she was clinging to the counter, shuddering and screaming in pleasure. 

            Hernan stood up, and Elsa reached for him, drawing him in for a kiss.  His surprise and pleasure broke through the wall she kept trying to put up and made her smile against his lips.  He kissed her deeply, and then she heard him unbuckling his belt and she pulled back to whisper ‘yes’ as he pressed his forehead to hers. 

            Elsa watched as he unfastened his pants, so incredibly turned on she could not wait.  Hernan whispered her name, making her look into his eyes and then he leaned in and kissed her.  She moaned against his lips, sliding her hands down his body to join him in freeing his cock.  She wrapped one hand around him and it was his turn to groan. 

            Elsa could not block Hernan’s emotions out, but to her delight he was not wishing for more.  He was in the moment, focused on her pleasure, on her hands caressing him, on the way she looked at him.  She flushed beneath his intent gaze, the way his lips curled when she met his eyes.  And then he reached for her, lifting her easily.  She gasped, and then her pussy was rubbing against his thick cock.  He held her in his arms and writhed his hips, and she felt him slide home.

           Hernan stood still for a moment, and Elsa wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck.   She could feel him inside her in ways she hadn’t expected and could feel that he was almost shaken by how good this felt, how right.  It felt like coming home, instead of just fucking.  She met his eyes, seeing her own surprise reflected there.  And then he began moving.

           He fucked like he had moved earlier in the bar: purposeful and relentless.  Elsa could not look away from his eyes, even as the pleasure rose and made her want to close her eyes and surrender to the feelings.  Hernan held her gaze, pinned her with his eyes.  She felt seen, revealed, and more than just naked.

           Her orgasm was a surprise, so focused was she on Hernan.  She gasped and then could not help but throw her head back and scream her pleasure.  Hernan made a growling hum of pleasure as she shuddered against him, and then she felt him thrust deeply inside her and explode. 

           They panted quietly together, Elsa resting her head in the curve of his neck.  And then he set her on the counter, his arms curling around her.  She felt surprisingly at peace and realized part of that was him.  She breathed in his scent again, kissed his shoulder lightly, and sat up. 

           When she straightened, Hernan started to let go, his hands sliding down her body to rest on her hips.  Elsa smiled at him, kissed his lips lightly, and tilted her head at the nearby coffeemaker.  “Still want that coffee?”

           He grinned back at her, a true grin, and it lightened her heart.  “Yeah,” he said. “I do.”

           They stayed in her kitchen, chatting and sipping the coffee (Hernan’s with Bailey’s, Elsa’s with milk) until Elsa had to get ready for work.  She had two meetings today regarding later cases and Hernan said he was going to get some sleep.  She offered to let him stay at her place, but he said, “maybe next time,” and her heart did a flip at the assurance behind that phrase.

           She got cleaned up and ready for work, and he walked with her to the subway.  He kissed her on the cheek and promised to call or text soon.  Oddly, she trusted that he would.  She watched him walk away before descending into the subway and the work that waited for her.


	4. Venting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa confides in her BFF about Shades

          The first meeting went well.  It was with another lawyer at Jeri Hogarth’s firm.  Jeri was officially a junior partner now and had brought Elsa in on several cases.  Elsa’s success at helping them pick jurors that were sympathetic to their causes was getting both of them attention and even better cases.  Elsa was counting on these connections to bring in the bonuses she had attached to her contract with the firm, and thus set her up so she wouldn’t have to work very hard to maintain her relatively simple lifestyle.  Plus, she was hoping for some out-of-town work.  That would really cement her as the best.  Her goals were similar to Jeri’s: to be the best in her field.  It was one of many reasons they worked together so well. 

          Elsa had a couple hours to kill before her second meeting, and she wanted to talk to someone she trusted about this thing blooming between her and Hernan.  Her first thought was her mother, but she couldn’t be honest with her mom about her fears and worries.  As soon as her mom heard that she didn’t know exactly what Hernan did for a living but that he was probably in a gang, her mom would flip.  Elsa’s guy best friend was a journalist for a large international TV company and talking to him could be fraught for many reasons.  That left Mae, and since Mae also had powers and had tried dating normies, perhaps she could also give advice on trying to navigate that minefield.  Not that Mae had ever hid her powers after she’d gotten them…  

          Elsa sighed and pulled out her phone, texting Mae to see if she had time to chat.  To her delight, Mae did.  Unfortunately, she was too far away for the face-to-face lunch Elsa had hoped for, since she was in Jersey at a cleanup that required a little oversight.   So, Elsa pulled out her bluetooth and headed to the small conference room she used at Hogarth’s firm.  It was always empty on days she was in, because it doubled as her office.  She paced over to the wall of windows and waited for Mae to answer.

          “So, my gut is screaming that this isn’t exactly a social call.”

          Elsa chuckled.  Trust Mae to cut to the chase.  “Have you heard any dirt on a guy named Hernan Alvarez?”

          “Shades?”  A long pause. Elsa found herself wishing she was face to face with Mae, so she could feel whatever Mae was pondering. “Sort of met him, my cousin was in his unit overseas.  They went through some shit.”

          “Which cousin?”

          “Mom’s side, I don’t think you ever met him.  Greg.  They called him Perro, because he’s one of the biggest dogs you’ll ever meet but ‘Dog’ didn’t fit his face. It kinda stuck.”

          Elsa laughed.  “Ok, so what do you think about him?”

          “He was a good soldier.  Solid.  Smart.  Thoughtful.  Pissed off his brass so fucking much, because he was always right, but he wouldn’t kiss ass enough to make higher rank and stick the landing.”

          “That sounds like Hernan.”  Elsa blushed a little.  She knew her voice had gone soft on his name, but she couldn’t help it.  Then Mae burst her bubble.

          “Hernan, huh.  Well, El, that was over there.  Back here?  Shades is trouble.  Perro said Shades offered him a job in the Rivals.”

          “Well, fuck,” Elsa muttered.

          “El, wait a minute.”  Mae was grumpy.  “Why are you asking me about _Shades?_ ”

          “Remember when I was overseas?”  Elsa said. 

          Mae was quiet again, then her voice was even more grumpy.  “You’re telling me _Shades_ was the guy who saved your life over there?

          “Yeah, it was Shades.  I told him to look me up, and he did.  He said it took time to track me down, because I never did give him my address or anything.” Elsa said, careful to keep her voice down.  “He called, we met and talked…” Elsa trailed off, thinking about the easy way he’d touched her after...  The way he smiled and laughed, the way he’d looked at her…

          Mae picked up on the inflection in Elsa’s voice.  Her tone was skeptical.  “Talked?”

          Elsa leaned her head against the cool glass, closing her eyes.  “Mae, it was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

          Mae blew out a breath.  “It’s about fucking time, but damn El.  You sure can pick ‘em.  Shades?  He’s trouble.”

          “Uh huh.”

          “The Rivals are bad news.”

          “I kinda think all gangs are bad news,” Elsa said with a sigh.  “I mean, in my line of work they are.”

          Mae made a noise of agreement, and Elsa could almost see her friend pinching the bridge of her nose.  “Perro’s an idiot, but he’s a good judge of character, and he says that Shades is one of the most dangerous people he’s ever met.”

          “I believe that.”

          “He’s probably a killer.”

          “He was in the army overseas.  That’s a given.”

          “Killing over there is different and you know it.”  Mae’s voice was tight, angry. 

          Elsa took a breath.  “I’m sorry, Mae.  I don’t mean to—”

          “Elsa.”  Mae’s tone was exasperated.  “Why did you ask if you didn’t want to hear the truth?”

          “I was hoping my gut was wrong,” Elsa admitted.  “I don’t have a bad feeling about he and I, but I have a bad feeling nonetheless.  Something in all this is bad news.”

          “Oddly,” Mae said, “I don’t have a godawful feeling about this.  But that doesn’t mean I like it.”  A pause.  “Alright.  Shit.  Honestly, I liked Shades.  He’s smart as fuck, and he saved Perro’s ass more than once from what that asshole told me.  But I don’t like what he’s doing now, with the Rivals.  If he keeps going down that road…”

          “I don’t like them either.  Think about my job and what this could do to it.  But…”

          “But?”

          “Remember that comedian, who always said ‘the pussy was good?’  Well, in this case, the dick was good.”

          Mae laughed. “That dick better be gold plated, El.”

          “Um.”

          Mae’s laughter trailed off.  “Be careful, Elsa,” she said, her voice resigned.  “And let’s do dinner or something.  I want to hear about this gold-plated dick.”

          Elsa laughed.  “Deal.”  She then heard some yelling in the background, and Mae sighed. 

          “Gotta go, I’m being summoned.  Call me later, let’s do dinner or lunch soon.”

          “You got it.”  Elsa’s phone chimed, letting her know a text had come in.  She glanced at it, saw Hernan’s name, and couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face.  Whatever it was between them, she was liking it.

_Morning, beautiful.  I’d love to buy you dinner.  Call me later, when you’re done with work._

           Mae had already hung up, as usual without saying goodbye.  Elsa was not bothered; she was used to her friend’s idiosyncrasies.  She texted Hernan back, _will do, looking forward to it,_ and headed to her afternoon meeting still smiling. 


	5. Time passes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spending time with Shades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Explicit M/F sex

           Elsa’s days settled into a routine.  She got the case from the morning meeting and helped them with jury selection.  For her, that meant sitting next to the prosecution and saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to various jurors, then letting the lawyers fight it out on whether they actually got a juror dismissed or not.  It was an all-day thing, and she usually enjoyed it.  But since her evenings were often (though not always) spent with Hernan, she resented it sometimes. 

          The first few weeks with Hernan were a blur of wonderful.  Dinners—sometimes ridiculously expensive dinners—and the sex was fantastic.  But the lurking knowledge that he was actually a criminal kept her from committing fully, and he could feel it.  At first, he didn’t seem to mind.  And given how much he was keeping from her, it was only logical that he not push.  Plus, there was Che. 

          They celebrated their one month anniversary with a huge night on the town.  A dinner at an elegant little sushi place, a Broadway show Elsa had been considering, and then back to her place where they spent most of the night having sex, until they ended up tangled together in her bed.  Elsa valued the nights she got to sleep next to Hernan.  His warmth was comforting, and she loved the way he’d reach for her in his sleep. 

          It was idyllic.  Elsa knew it couldn’t last.  

          The first cracks started slowly.  Elsa’s intent was innocent enough.  There was an art show in Hell’s Kitchen, and Hogarth’s law firm needed to send a representative since they were donating some of the fancy artwork.  Vanessa Mariana, one of the dealers, was an old friend of Elsa’s, so she decided to go.  She spent a fabulous evening schmoozing, bought a small sculpture from Vanessa, and then found herself restlessly wandering the streets.  Not ready to head home, she wandered around a little.  As she pondered what to do while window shopping she realized she was hungry and had a silly idea to get something for Shades.  Then she thought perhaps she could make something for him and pondered what she could do.  After a moment’s debate, she remembered him saying he hadn’t had a good Cuban sandwich in ages.  She knew she could get all the ingredients and decided she would do that.  She caught a cab to head a deli she had heard Hernan mention over in Harlem, a 24 hour place they often frequented.  She could get food for herself, and all the lunch meat she needed.    

          If she was honest with herself, she would have admitted she was half-hoping to run into him.  He’d said they had work to do that night, and he wasn’t free, but there was a part of her hoping. 

          She ran into Che.  Who was not happy to see her.  “What are you doing here?”

          “I was hungry, and I was nearby.  Hernan said they had a great roast beef, so I thought I’d get something to eat.”

          Che took her arm and pulled her outside, leaning in and whispering in her face.  His emotions—fear first among them, fear for her, not himself—were so overpowering she couldn’t bring herself to pull away.  He was extremely upset.  “Girl, you cannot be here.  You don’t know this place.  Pretty thing like you downtown, you are gonna get hurt.”

          That pricked her pride.  She wasn’t a kid, she could take care of herself!  She jerked her arm away, glaring up at him.  “I am not helpless, Darius—”

          Che’s whisper was fierce.  “You goin around yellin Hernan and Darius, you are going to get us killed.  Down here, we are Che and Shades, you get me?”

          The thought of that, the reality of it sank in, driven home by his fear and his reluctance to even say it out loud.  Just having their real names bandied about was bad news.  “Dar—Che.  What the fuck is really going on with you guys?  Shades won’t tell me anything.”

          “The less you know the better.”

          “Che…”  She hadn’t even said it to Hernan.  She couldn’t tell Darius first.  

          Che’s expression softened.  Something in her face told him too much.  He touched her shoulder, gently.  “Don’t worry about Shades. I got his back.  Now go, go home, go to Manhattan, do something.  Just don’t come here.  Shades needs you safe.”

          He walked away before she could reply.  She didn’t know what else to do, so she went home.  Hours later, she got a single line of text from Hernan. 

_Stay out of Harlem._

          It made her unaccountably sad even as she was furious that he’d try to tell her what to do.  But more, how could she love someone who wouldn’t share his life with her?  She didn’t respond, just put her phone on silent and went to bed.

          Elsa awoke because of a creak in the floorboard.  She sat up instantly, reaching for her weapons, but a quick mental check revealed it was Hernan…but, not.  At least, not the man she was used to.  He was cold, locked down.  No emotion, nothing but strategy and plotting.  _Shades,_ she thought.  This was who he was with others.  This was the man Perro had called dangerous.

          Instead of fear, what Elsa felt was a thrill that this man trusted her with his emotions.  She pushed herself into a more comfortable position.  “Hernan?”

          A deep sigh answered her from the doorway, and the emotions he’d been holding in check flooded her.  Worry with a tinge of fear was upmost.  He was caring too much, and it was dangerous.  “Elsa.”  He took two steps into her room and paused.  “I should shower.  Do you mind?”

          Elsa reached over and turned her bedside light on, and then gasped.  Hernan was sporting a nasty shiner and a split lip, and the way he was holding himself…ribs, she thought.  She’d never seen him so disheveled.  She got out of bed and hurried to him, but he lifted his hands to ward her off. 

          “Whoa, no.  Don’t touch me, I’m a mess.” 

          “Fuck that,” she grabbed one of his hands, pulled it down and looked at it.  His knuckles were, indeed, ‘a mess.’  “What did you do?”

          “My job,” he said flatly.

          “Goddammit, Hernan.  Why were you fighting?  Who were you fighting?”  Elsa looked at his other hand, and while it was less bloody, it was still bruised.

          “Elsa…”  He sat down on her bed, heavily, as though exhausted.  His emotions swirled around her, so many she couldn’t parse them.  Finally, resignation, sadness, and fear won.  “I don’t want you involved.”

          “You’re involved.  I’m already there.” 

          Hernan looked up at her, and the love he felt squeezed her heart.  But the emotions around the love were all tangled, though again sadness and fear of losing her were at the top.  He reached up and touched her cheek, lightly stroking it with his thumb.  “I can’t risk you, too.”

          Understanding dawned.  Elsa lifted his hand and lightly kissed the unhurt fingertips.  “I’m more capable than you think, cariño.”

          Hernan smiled.  “Te amo, querida,” he murmured softly, while pulling her closer.  He kissed her, forestalling her reply, but she wasn’t sure she could have spoken anyway.  The emotions behind those three tiny words brought tears to her eyes. 

          Elsa kissed him back with all the love in her heart, then pushed him back onto the bed.  She climbed atop his hips and pulled her sleep shirt off.  Hernan started to protest, but she leaned forward and put her finger on his lips.  She had intended to soothe him, but he had other ideas.  He drew her fingertip into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.  It was incredibly erotic and drove the thoughts out of her head.

          He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him, and kissed her chest above her heart.  Then he rolled her underneath him.  Elsa stared up into his eyes, running her hands up his back to caress the back of his neck lightly.  He shuddered, and then kissed her hungrily.  She felt like water, and he’d been crawling through the desert. 

          He leaned on his elbow, his other hand sliding down her side, brushing her breast, caressing her waist.  Hernan kissed her lightly on the lips, then kissed his way down her neck, nipping lightly, making her shiver.  He continued his gentle touches, stroking her skin as though it were thin glass.  He licked and then sucked her nipples, making her moan.  She whispered his name and he made a soft noise, almost a purr of pleasure. 

          “Hernan, please!”

          He pushed up on his arms, a crooked smile on his face.  “Please what?”

          Elsa wrapped her legs around his waist, rubbing herself against him, not even caring that he was still clothed.  “Make love to me, Hernan.  I want to feel you deep inside me.”  Something in his face changed, and Elsa felt the brush of that predatory side of him.  Perhaps it wasn’t gentleness he needed.  “Yes,” she whispered.  “Take me.”

          Hernan believed her, accepted her word.  He freed his cock and thrust into her.  She arched against him, moaning yes.  Elsa reached up to caress his face, and he took her wrists in his hands and pinned them to the bed.  She was completely startled by her own reaction.  She loved it.  Something about it just hit all the right notes.  She surrendered completely, and as she did, Hernan shifted and started fucking her with long, deep strokes.  Her orgasm was building, and she writhed against his hands and body trying to get there.  He responded by increasing his speed, still pinning her to the bed.  She screamed as she came, writhing and shuddering.  Hernan released her wrists, falling onto his elbows and kissing her while still fucking her fast and deep.  She kissed him back, wrapping arms and legs around him until he finally thrust and exploded deep inside her. 

          Hernan relaxed, resting atop her, and Elsa ran one hand up and down his back, enjoying the moment.  He pushed himself back up on his elbows and grinned at her.  “Sorry.  I’m sure I’m heavy.”

          “No,” Elsa said, letting her hand drift to his cheek.  “You felt wonderful.”

          He ducked his head and smiled again.  “So did you.”

          She laughed, and he rolled onto his back and pulled her against him.  She rubbed a hand across the shirt he was still wearing.  “You’re wearing way too many clothes.”

          “Hmm.  Yeah.”  Hernan lifted his head and looked down at his pants.  “And I probably need a change of clothes.”

          Elsa blushed bright red, because most of the damage was from her, not him.  “Oh.  Oops.  I do have a washer and dryer, if they can be washed.”

          Hernan stood and began stripping.  Elsa rolled on her side to watch.  She never tired of seeing him undress.  He peeled his shirt off, his skin dewy with sweat, and she again admired his tattoos.  She recognized that many of them were gang tats, but she continued to try to push that away.  If he could try to keep her out of it, perhaps she could stay out.  Though…

          “Hernan?”

          “Hmm?”

          “I can’t promise to stay out of Harlem.”

          Hernan froze, then continued pulling his pants off.  “Why do you say that?”

          Elsa appreciated the careful tone of his voice, though she could feel the tangle of anger/fear that could have had him snapping at her.  “I am currently also acting as a mediator for Jeri’s law firm.  That means we go to meetings on neutral ground.  Which occasionally means Harlem.”

          His shoulders relaxed.  “Daytime, job stuff.  You’d have protection, wouldn’t you?”

          Elsa bit her lip.  “Hernan.  Protection from who?  Who hates you so much that they’d attack me?  I thought women and children were safe.”  She purposefully slipped the words she wasn’t saying into his mind: _even in gang wars._

          Hernan sat down on the bed beside her and rested his hand on her hip, thumb stroking her skin.  She loved that he was so casual with his affections in private and valued that.  She put her hand atop his.  “I don’t know it would happen for certain, querida.  Just…”  His eyes went distant.  He was looking at the window, but not seeing it.  “This feels like a storm building, and I don’t want you caught in it.”

          “But what about you?  What about Che?  You’re risking everything and asking me to just sit idly and wait.”

          He turned and met her eyes.  “I know it’s not fair.  But I swear to you on my life, you’ll know if something happens to me.  There are people who will make sure of that.”

          “People you trust?”

          He chuckled.  “People I know won’t let me down.”

          Elsa fell silent.  She wasn’t happy, but…  She thought of him saying that he loved her, and the true emotion behind it, decided that she would accept it, for now.

          They put his clothes in the wash and he crawled into bed with her, curling around her.  She loved him, too, but she didn’t say the words.  Not yet. 


	6. Friendship and pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Che talk

          Months passed, and Elsa enjoyed the time Hernan could give her, but also worried about him more and more.  She called in a favor to find Che’s phone number and started meeting him for lunch.  At first, he was standoffish and wary, but then she offered to help his Mom with a neighborhood issue.  Janis was warm and welcoming, even more when she found out that Elsa had Shades’ approval.  Elsa was amused by this.  Did everyone love Shades?

          Che soon became a friend.  So, it made sense that he’d confront her about something that was apparently driving Hernan insane.

          They met for lunch at a little Greek place.  It was almost completely empty, and Elsa knew the owner, so she felt comfortable talking.  But she hadn’t expected Che to push.  So when he brought it up, she blinked at him.  “Hern—Shades told you?”

          He pointed at her with his fork.  “You said you didn’t mind.”

          The emotion and mental image that drifted along with that made Elsa swallow hard.  She’d been working to try not to be attracted to Che, but…damn.  The thought of him and Shades did not bother her at all…except that sometimes she wished she could be with them.  All the more now that she’d gotten comfortable with Che.

          “I don’t mind,” she finally stammered out.  “I just…didn’t think of…Shades talking about that sort of thing.”

          “Man’s woman don’t tell him she loves him, it sticks in his craw.”

          Elsa sighed.  “Are you going to go tell him whatever I say here?”

          “Depends,” Che said.  “Is it stupid girl stuff?”

          That got a laugh from Elsa, as was probably intended.  She shook her head and ate a few more bites of gyro.  Che waited her out, and she finally decided to trust him.  “You know that you’ve told me more about the Rivals than Shades?  More about what you’re doing, what you’re up against, and who you’re trying to prove yourselves to?”

          Che chewed his food, meeting her gaze evenly.  He didn’t seem surprised, but then Elsa could read him better than most even without her powers.  The slight twitch of his eyebrows was enough.  He thought Shades was more open with her than that.  “Well.  He has his reasons.”

          “He’s going to have to choose.  And I am pretty sure he won’t pick me.  Let me have my pride.”

          Che had no answer for that, and he wisely dropped it. 


	7. Seagate and sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa gets bad news.

          A month later, Elsa got a phone call from an unfamiliar number.  She was running to the subway, so she sent it to voice mail.  Because she was running late, she forgot about it until a while later.  It was an unfamiliar voice, and all that they said was “Shades got arrested.  Che too.  They’re going to Seagate, don’t get involved.”

          Don’t get involved?  What kind of bullshit is that?  Elsa thought furiously.  She called Janis.  Che’s mother had gotten a similar call but was more fearful than angry.  She begged Elsa to leave well enough alone.  Elsa agreed, but only because it was Janis asking.

          Elsa kept Janis and herself informed about what was going on through her contacts at the PD and the legal grapevine.  When the sentencing was formalized, and they threw Hernan and Darius into Seagate, she knew he would be gone for at least 18 months.  She went with Janis to visit once.  Hernan refused to see her.  Darius didn’t bother trying to explain. 

          A week later, a box arrived.  It wasn’t Hernan’s handwriting on the address or the note.  Inside the box, with the note, was a giant stack of money.  Elsa was a bit horrified as she realized she was holding at least hundred thousand dollars in her hand.  Where the fuck did they get this kind of money?

          The note was simple.  _“Please be patient.  I’ll explain when I can.  Te amo, querida.”_

          Elsa put the box, money, and note with a bag of clothes that Hernan had brought over after the incident with his pants and tucked it all into the closet in her guest room.  And then she sat next to it and wept.


	8. More venting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa vents to Mae

          Elsa threw herself into her work.  She found out that Jeri had been turning down some distant jobs without even consulting Elsa and threw a fit.  When she pointed out that it was in her contract, and that she was owed a compensatory fee for Jeri’s shenanigans, Jeri wanted to renegotiate her contract.  Elsa was having none of it; she threatened to quit working with Jeri at all.  Given that Jeri was a full partner, that made things sticky.  Elsa decided she didn’t care and started seeking other law firms to work with more closely.

          Jeri gave in when it was clear that Elsa was not going to compromise.  She got a very nice big check, and a promise it would never happen again.  Plus, the bonuses she’d been having to chase financial around on.  She had a fat bank account and no idea what to do with it.

          Weeks passed, and she just kept working.  She made some nice contacts, including a cute new-guy lawyer who kept hitting on her.  She took his number, though she didn’t really feel much chemistry with him.  He was genuinely nice, and that was a change she needed.  She met him for drinks a few times and met his law-firm partner.  She felt bad, because she thought Matt was cute, but neither he nor Foggy were interesting enough to help her forget Shades.  On the plus side, Foggy didn’t seem to mind when she told him she was hung up on her last boyfriend.  She liked the little dive bar he and Matt went to down in Hell’s Kitchen, so she joined them a few times.  She liked Foggy, and while Matt was quiet and distant a lot of the time, he had a good sense of humor.  Matt ‘felt’ in her head like he had some power, but he never talked about it, and she didn’t pry. 

          Still, more often than not, she curled up at home.  She wasn’t eating much, and she was not motivated to fix it.  Then Mae got tired of being given the run-around.  Elsa had gone home and turned on some sad music, gotten into sweats and a tank top, and was sitting on her couch listening to the music and moping.

          A knock at the door had Elsa pausing the music and peering through her peephole to spy Mae.  She sighed.  At least Mae had brought pizza and soda.  She opened the door and just looked at her friend.  Mae took one look at her face, shook her head and pushed past Elsa to head to the kitchen.

          “I’m guessing you’re hungry.” Mae’s voice grew distant as she passed through the living room into Elsa’s kitchen.  Elsa closed the door and leaned against it with a sigh.  She loved Mae, but she didn’t know if she was up to this.  She hadn’t cried since the night she’d put all of Shades’ things away.  But tears kept threatening.  She took a deep breath and followed Mae into the kitchen. 

          “I ate,” Elsa replied.

          “When?”  Mae said, gathering plates, glasses, and generally ignoring her. 

          “Um.”  She was pretty sure she’d had breakfast.  Maybe?  She’d had coffee, she thought.  She glanced back at the fridge, as if it could tell her.

          “Uh-huh,” Mae said with a scowl.  “Here.  Eat.  It’s grease and cheese, two of the four major food groups.”

          “Mae—”

          “Shut up and eat, Korre, before I feed it to you.”

          Elsa knew better than to test Mae.  She followed Mae back into the living room, curling up on her couch with her plate.  Mae put a glass of Coke on the coffee table and sat down at the other end of the couch.  They ate in silence for a few moments, before Mae finally spoke again. 

          “So, you dropped the bombshell on me that it was Shades, then you vanished again.  You wanna fill me in on all of this?”

          Elsa sighed, set her now-empty plate down, and picked up the Coke.  “What does it matter?  He’s in jail, and he won’t see me.”

          “Elsa.  Just tell me.”  Mae sounded tired, but Elsa could feel her worry.  It broke down the barrier she was trying to keep up, and she told Mae everything.  She finished by explaining how she’d gone to Seagate with Janis and how Shades had refused to see her. 

          “Woof,” Mae muttered.  “Well.  He’s an idiot.”  Elsa huffed in agreement.  “But.”  Mae looked over at her with a rather dark expression.  “Did you think about it from his point of view?  I know he’s been in trouble before, but did he ever go to prison?  He might be adjusting poorly, might be afraid of how you’d see him in that jumpsuit, any number of things that aren’t him not caring about you.”

          Elsa sighed.  “You know, I don’t doubt that he cares.  But…  It’s not just about him not seeing me.  That hurt.  But it’s all of this.”  She took a drink, trying to put her thoughts together.  “I don’t know if I can do this.  Constantly wait for him, constantly worry about what he’s really doing.  I love him.  I never told him—and now I probably never will.  But you know as well as I do that love isn’t always enough.”

          Mae nodded.  “It is a start, though.  Have you heard from him at all?”

          “Yeah.  He sent me a package through a courier or something.  He still loves me and he’ll explain when he can.  But… Mae, he sent me a bunch of cash.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with that, or even why he sent it.  What the fuck, you know?”

          “How much cash?”

          “I stopped counting at 100k.”

          “Jesus, Elsa!”

          “I know!  I don’t know where he got it, but I fucking well hope he wouldn’t send me dirty cash.”

          “Maybe he’s asking you to keep it for him for when he gets out?”

          “Yeah, well, I stuck it in my closet with his clothes.”  Elsa sighed again.  She would not mention that she’d gone into the closet to breathe in the scent of his cologne off his clothes.  She hoped the urge to do that would go away soon.

          Mae giggled.  “Clothes.”

          Elsa remembered his rueful expression after that mess and giggled too.  “I was mortified, but he was more amused than anything.”

          “A job well done, that’s all.”

           Elsa laughed, and Mae changed the subject.  By the time Mae left, Elsa felt better.  She hugged Mae, thanking her friend for being there, and went to bed feeling better than she had in months.  Before she fell asleep, she promised herself she wouldn’t brood over Shades.


	9. Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa tries to move on, but she can't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Explicit M/F sex

          Elsa did her best to live up to her promise to herself after Mae’s pep talk.  She worked on living her life.  She went to work, hung out at Josie’s with Mae, Foggy, or Karen, wondered with them what was up with Matt, and watched the news a lot.  Things were changing, and she was too close to the ‘action’ to ignore them.

          Of course, there were unexpected side effects to her hanging out with Matt, Foggy, and Karen.  Like finding out by accident that Matt was the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen by overhearing Foggy’s thoughts worrying about Matt getting hurt when he ran off. 

          Elsa was good at keeping secrets.  She didn’t say a word about it, just made more of an effort to keep an eye on Matt.  Matt seemed determined to kill himself, which worried her.  Then Vanessa got involved with Wilson Fisk, of all people, and Elsa found herself spending time with her and commiserating about loving someone who walked on the darker side of things.

          This actually ended up being good for her in one way.  Vanessa’s wholehearted embrace of Fisk, regardless of his darker dealings, made Elsa consider what that might mean for her.  Would it change her to embrace Shades?  Could she even do it?  She wasn’t sure.  Her career was important to her, and part of that was helping to hold accountable those who broke the law.  She spent a lot of time thinking about it while Vanessa and Fisk built their relationship.

          And then it all came crashing down.  Fisk ended up in prison, and Vanessa fled to Europe.  Elsa felt like perhaps that was a warning.  Vanessa, on the other hand, maintained that Fisk didn’t deserve what he received.  Elsa admired her friend’s loyalty and acted as intermediary a few times for Fisk so that he could get letters to Vanessa without interference...at least until he took control of Rikers. 

          Elsa left well enough alone after that.  Plus, Matt was getting into a lot of crap, and she kept finding herself trying to help.  He wouldn’t listen, though, and after the way he treated Karen, Elsa found herself on Foggy’s side.  Matt was too destructive right now.  Plus, Hogarth introduced her to Jessica Jones, a local PI, and she found herself with yet another destructive super that she was trying to figure out. 

 

          Then Harlem started blowing up.  Elsa heard about it from one of her contacts, that things were going rather crazy down there.  She decided to investigate, though she couldn’t admit, even to herself, that she felt a bit proprietary about Harlem due to her connection with Shades.  Still, she knew more about how things work down there now, thanks to Foggy, Matt, and a few other contacts she’d been making.  Matt had introduced her to a guy named Turk, who knew everyone and everything.  Turk told her Pop’s barbershop was safe, but she couldn’t imagine that she’d be welcome in a black barbershop.  Still, she decided to wander down to look around and see what could be seen.  Maybe she’d get lucky.

          Elsa did some window shopping, stopped into a mom and pop coffee shop and got a latte, and then wandered down with the intent to walk past the barbershop Turk had told her about.  She didn’t get to walk past it.  Shades walked out of that barbershop with two other men she didn’t know, and she couldn’t move.  She couldn’t believe it was him, and yet, he was right there.  She knew it was him; his mind felt the same as it had that night: cold, aloof, focused on strategy and the next move, compartmentalized.  She stood there, as he and the other two men started talking about ‘business,’ deciding which step to take next.  It was clear that the business was a racket, and Elsa finally managed to tear herself away.  She fled, praying Shades hadn’t seen her. 

 

          Elsa spent a few days trying to decide what to do.  She realized “I’ll explain when I can” was too vague and too open-ended for her.  She needed to know if he was actually going to follow up.  So, first, she tried to call Jessica.  Her call went right to voicemail, and she decided to try another tack before she left a message.  She tried one of her police contacts.  She’d met Scarfe before, and he always seemed to know way too much about what was going on.  She tried especially hard not to pry into cop-brains.  There was just too much information there about… well.  The kind of things that she just didn’t want to know.  But she wanted info and was willing to trade, to a point.  So, she made a phone call to the station, asking for Scarfe. 

          Misty Knight was not someone she’d met before, but apparently, Scarfe was out of pocket and Misty was his partner.  Elsa explained that she was affiliated with Hogarth, Chao, and Benowitz, and explained that she needed an address for an ex-con.  “I was hoping you’d be able to help me.  I’ll owe you one.”

          “Why do you need the address?”  Misty demanded. 

          Elsa blinked.  “It’s for a case,” she replied, hoping that was enough.  She didn’t want to have to really lie, but no way was she going to talk about it.

          Misty made a humming noise, and then said “Alright, Elsa Korre, you’re gonna owe me one.  Ready?”

          Elsa wrote down the address, and then made a note to herself that Misty was definitely someone to keep an eye on.  Then, she wrote another note, a very simple one.  She paid one of Hogarth’s runners to deliver it.  It said, simply:  _Time is running out, cariño._

          She didn’t expect a response, but she couldn’t help but hope.  Of course, as days passed and no reply came, she lost more and more hope.  Perhaps she should just send everything he’d left with her to his new place.  Elsa was getting closer and closer to just washing her hands of him when he appeared. 

          Elsa was walking home from the subway when she felt him.  She always used her gifts passively to sense the area around her.  It was something she’d done since she’d nearly been attacked as a kid.  Add in that she was attuned to Shades from all the time they’d spent together, and he was like a beacon of light to her.

          Elsa stopped next to the wrought iron fence that wrapped around the house next to hers and waited for him to show himself.  She heard his chuckle before he stepped out of the shadows.  He slid the sunglasses off his face, tucked them away, and then she was able to meet his eyes.  They were dark and reflective, not the warm brown she was used to seeing.

          “You always know,” Shades said.  His mind was full of hard edges, distant and detached.  Elsa retreated from his pain, startled by the depth of it.  “I never asked how that’s possible,” he mused as he strolled closer to her.  “I should have, but I didn’t.”  He stopped in front of her doorway.  “Are you like that Kilgrave, Elsa?”

          “What?”  Elsa stared at him in shock.  Hogarth had filled her in on Kilgrave after she’d met Jessica the first time, and she was stunned that Hernan would ever think that she was capable of such manipulation.  “No!  How could you think that about me?  I would never do anything like that!  He was a monster!”

          Shades stepped closer, close enough to touch.  Close enough for Elsa to see that his eyes were not calm, as she’d thought.  No, they were glittering with emotion.  She couldn’t help but feel what he felt, and the emotions were so tangled she couldn’t parse them, though bitter, brimstone fear and peppery anger were top notes. 

          “You have something, though, don’t you?  Something like Luke Cage?” 

          “Hernan,” she reached for him and he flinched back.

          “Does it only work when you touch people?  Is that it?”

          “No!  I am not manipulating you.  Not unless you’re manipulating me, too.”

          “What?”

          Elsa broke, the words spilling out from her.  “From the beginning, it was always you.  You touching me, looking at me, seeing me as I never saw myself.  But you couldn’t commit.  Love was easy for you, but you NEVER gave me what I needed,” she cried. 

          “What was that?”

          “You, Hernan!  All I needed was you, here with me.  But you could never stay, could you?”

          “You said you understood!”

          “This isn’t about Che.  I do understand that, you love him.  But why couldn’t you let me into your life?”

          “You deserve better.”

          “Fuck better!  I don’t want better, I want you!”

          Hernan made a sound, of pain or anger, she wasn’t sure because she was so lost in her own head.  But then he reached for her, and she knew it was a bad idea. 

          He kissed her, and she didn’t care if it was a bad idea.  She kissed him back, as wild and desperate as he was.  She got flashes of his frustration at the way things were going, and fear that he’d let everyone down before he pushed it all away and focused on her. 

          Tangled together, they stumbled into her house, kissing and tearing each other’s clothes off.  They made it to her couch, where she fell onto her back with him atop her.  He tore her panties off and thrust inside her, making her cry out in pleasure.  He groaned, then arched up and put one hand on the back of the couch to help steady him as he thrust into her hard and fast.  She murmured softly in Spanish, calling him corazon and cariño, begging him for more.  He responded by caressing her face and slowing his strokes, working to help her reach her peak. 

          Hernan spoke softly, barely above a whisper.  “Come for me, querida,” he said. 

          Elsa moaned and arched against him, whispering yes again and again, until finally she could not keep herself silent any longer.  She screamed as she finally came, shuddering and clinging to Hernan.  He let himself go, thrusting as hard and fast as he could until at last he came as well.

          He leaned forward, and Elsa slid her hands up to his shoulders, pulling them even closer together.  Hernan let his head fall towards hers, and she kissed him.  He deepened the kiss, and she responded.  Finally, he released her, and she sighed as she allowed herself to fall back on the couch.  He chuckled.

          “That wasn’t what I had planned,” Hernan admitted.

          “I think I’m glad to hear that.”

          “Elsa…”  Hernan sighed.  “I shouldn’t have come here.  Not really.  If I was seen—”

          “No one was nearby except my neighbors.”

          “How can you be sure?”

          “Remember in the desert?  When I stopped us from walking into that ambush?”

          Hernan nodded slowly.  “I wondered how you did that.”

          “I sense people.  I have since I was a kid.  I never thought of it like a gift, but…what else is it?”

          “Useful.”

          “In some cases, yeah.  I probably should have gone into the military myself, been useful to others.  But…”  Elsa shrugged.  “I didn’t.”

          “You sense me?”

          “Oh god yes.  Like a beacon.”

          He chuckled.  “Is that good or bad?”

          “You were like my oasis in the desert, cariño.”

          He sighed.  “I should not do this, but I need a night with you, querida.”

          “Come on.  Let’s go to bed.  I have work tomorrow, and we’re not going to solve all the world’s problems in a night.” 

          Hernan laughed.  She heard his thought, _“I’d be happy if we could just solve us_ ,” and thought ‘me too, sweetheart,’ to herself. 

          But as they crawled into bed, with Hernan curled around her back, she wished they could just be together, like this, for however long they had.


	10. If you love something...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hernan leaves to return to Shades.

          Elsa woke up, confused because she was cold.  She rolled to her back, searching for Hernan.  He was standing near her window, peering out into the night. 

          “Hernan?”  Elsa pushed herself up onto her elbows.  “What’s wrong?”

          Hernan let his head drop forward and then turned to her.  “Sorry, querida.  I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

          “Then you shouldn’t have left the bed.”  She sat the rest of the way up and pulled the sheet to cover her breasts.  "Talk to me?”

          Hernan turned to face her, silhouetted by the streetlight filtered through her pale blue curtains.  His emotions were tangled again, she noticed.  But the topmost was sadness.  Elsa nodded, hoping he would understand.  “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly.

          “But this is going to hurt,” Elsa replied.  “Because you have this life you don’t want me in.  Still.”

          Hernan ran a hand over his hair.  “I thought…”  He blew out a breath.  “I thought I could make you—what was it you called me?  An oasis?”  Elsa nodded.  “Yeah.  Something like that.  A place I could retreat to, something…”  _Pure,_ was what he thought, but he didn’t say it.  “Away from what I have in Harlem.”

          “But you can’t,” Elsa said, understanding even as her heart was breaking.  “You need to be focused on what’s going on there, and not worrying about them finding out about me and using me against you.”

          Hernan ducked his head with a short laugh.  “You don’t know what I’d be like if they hurt you.”

          “I have an idea,” Elsa said, pulling herself to the side of the bed and wrapping the sheet around her.  She sat upright, refusing to let him see how badly she felt.  “I also think this sucks, entirely, cariño.”

          Hernan agreed though he did not speak it aloud.  “I love you, querida, but I have promises I have to keep, and I’m in the position I need to be to keep them.”  He crouched on the ground before her.  “I never told you about Mama Mabel, but she saved my ass when I was a lonely orphan who didn’t speak a lick of English.  Without her and Che, I don’t know what would have happened to me.  Now, I’m where I can help her chosen one keep the family name alive and in power.”

          Elsa thought of Vanessa, of Fisk, and of the core she knew lived inside Hernan.  She leaned forward, cupping his face in her hands, caressing it.  “Do you know the old adage, about letting things go?”  Hernan frowned slightly, shook his head.  “If you love something, set it free…”

          “I know that one,” Hernan said, his voice husky. 

          “Good.  Come back to me if you can, Hernan.  I won’t put my life on hold, but I will hope.”

          He kissed her, hard, and she tasted the salt from her tears.  He pressed his forehead against hers.  “I promise, querida.”

          “Everyone’s asleep, if you want to leave now.  No one will see you but me.”  Elsa was proud that her voice was steady.  Hernan dressed swiftly and headed for the door.  Elsa was unprepared for the stab of pain in her heart.  She had to slow him down.  “Hernan?  You’re forgetting the things in my closet.”

          “I’ll be back for them,” he said and left.  Elsa bit her lip to keep from screaming in pain.  Her only consolation was that Hernan felt the same.


	11. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa tries to get back to normal.

          Elsa ended up being a bit grateful to Hernan for ‘breaking up’ with her since Jeri commandeered her to help with Danny Rand, suddenly returned from the dead.  Jeri being Jeri, she did not believe Danny at first.  She sent Elsa in to see if he was being honest. 

          Just walking into the room with him, Elsa knew he was honest about what he had been through.  The mystical aura around him blew her mind.  She smiled and introduced herself and reached out to shake his hand.  That was a mistake.

          The contact felt like an electric shock combined with a blast from an air hose.  Elsa was fairly sure whatever power he held had at least sensed her ability, and she stumbled and reached out to the table for support.  Danny reached for her to steady her, then stopped, afraid to touch her again.

          “What was that?” he asked, wary but also intrigued.

          “I don’t know,” Elsa said, trying to breathe through the ringing in her head.  She felt like a gong had been struck in her mind.  “Are you ok?”

         “I’m fine.  You?”

         Elsa nodded, though she wasn’t sure she was and managed to shake it off.  “I am sorry, that was completely unexpected.”

         Danny waved it off, and Elsa sat down to talk to him.  Her powers, as usual after physical contact, were stronger, and she could sense Danny’s emotions, though there was some kind of interference that made hearing his thoughts difficult.

         Still, Elsa knew, for sure, that there was no doubt he was who he said he was.  When she touched him, she’d seen and heard a dragon roaring.  That was not fake; this kid had power.

         She helped him fill out the forms Jeri had given him and returned to Jeri with assurance.  This was a case the other woman had to take.  Because Danny was really Danny, and the world needed him.

 

         For several weeks, that was all Elsa did.  Help Jeri, help Danny, and continually find herself startled by Danny’s kindness, openness, and ability to make friends.  While all this went on, she tried to ignore all the news coming out of Harlem.  It was difficult, since there was all kinds of scuttlebutt about Luke Cage and Hammer Industries, and the Diamondback versus Luke Cage video was on every freaking channel.  Plus, Mae went off the one time Elsa mentioned the Hammer angle and that was how Elsa learned what the bullets really were.  She was disgusted and prayed that Shades wasn’t part of whatever group had been involved with it. 

         Fortunately, Elsa was distracted by Colleen Wing and Claire Temple, who were quickly becoming friends.  Claire had gotten close with Luke, and the story she told Elsa unsettled her.  The fact that Shades had vanished with Mariah Dillard didn’t help.  That whole mess made Elsa crazy, so she tried all the harder not to think about it.  As per usual, she took refuge in work.  Distant work.  Of course, the first few jobs she was offered away from New York were not up to her standard.  She refused them but kept her ear to the ground.  Then, she got a good one.

         The job offer was in Colorado, and it was soon after she had met Luke face to face at last.  That meeting had daunted her.  Especially feeling how deeply he hated Shades.  Even worse was the flashback to Shades and Che beating him in prison.  She fled to Denver a few days before the job was to start, grateful for the distance.  She needed it to clear her head. 

         While she was gone, Mae kept her informed.  She learned that the various super-powered people had gathered together to fight against some group called ‘the Hand’ and Matt was missing.  Of course, she felt guilty, like she should have been there.  She knew her abilities were not on a par with the others, but the what-ifs haunted her.  Could she have helped?

         She called Foggy, worried about him and Karen, and learned he was upset but still had hope.  Matt was resourceful.  Foggy believed he’d be back.  Elsa agreed, but also hoped if he did show back up he’d leave Karen alone.  Karen had been hurt enough by Matt’s stupid shenanigans.  By the time she hung up with Foggy, she felt better about the situation back home, except for Matt.  She pushed that worry aside, to pick it up later.  The only thing she needed to be worrying about now was the way opposing counsel kept eyeing her. 

         Every day of this jury selection, the opposing counsel had been staring at her nearly the entire time.  He’d missed cues from the judge, and Elsa was completely creeped out by him.  Fortunately, the lawyer she was working for was not oblivious.  Shana Delacroix was a brilliant and ambitious woman, and she had dealt with Jonah Kisson before.  When Elsa mentioned to Shana that she did not like the way that Kisson looked at her, Shana requested the firm send security with them. 

         As the first week passed and the second began, the jury selection slogged.  Kisson started objecting to jurors if Elsa approved them, and Elsa could feel his obsession growing.  She tried to assuage it through her powers but could not seem to do so from a distance, and she definitely wasn’t risking being accused of anything by talking to him privately. 

         The idea of touching him was right straight out.  No way she was going to do that.

         After the end of the day on Friday, knowing that this was not normal made Elsa really nervous.  She asked Shana if there was another hotel that she could be put in, under another name, since she ‘overheard’ Kisson thinking about trying to find her.  Shana agreed, apologizing to Elsa again. 

         Monday, Elsa leaned on Kisson.  They only needed two more jurors, and she wanted to go home.  She needed some distance between them.  She wasn’t sure if it was her clumsy attempts at manipulation or if he’d been ordered to give up his foolishness, but either way they were able to get the final two jurors after a few hours. 

          Elsa shook hands with Shana and headed back to her hotel, praying that she’d be able to get on a flight home quickly.  She packed, checked out, and got into a shuttle heading to the airport.  As they pulled out, she spotted Kisson turning in, and was incredibly grateful for the high, tinted windows on the bus. 

          Elsa had a bad feeling about him, but she pushed it aside.  She was going home.  She wouldn’t let this creepy asshole bother her.


	12. Elsa sides with Jeri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeri has a request, and Elsa gets a stalker

          As soon as Elsa got off the plane, she found a message on her phone from Jeri asking her to call or come in.  With a sigh, she hurried in to the terminal to try to find a quieter place to make her phone call.  As usual, La Guardia was insane, especially on a Monday.  She finally decided, after nearly getting run over by an oblivious man in a suit, that she would just go in.  Jeri would likely still be at the office.  She piled her suitcases into the taxi and headed to the office. 

          To her surprise, Jeri was not still in.  Elsa called, and could not believe it when she got Jeri’s voicemail.  Something was wrong, she knew.  She left a quick message, letting Jeri know she was home and that she was available if the other woman wanted to call.  Then she caught another cab home, glad she’d brought extra cash.

          While she was heading home, Jeri called.  As usual, she wasted no time on pleasantries.  “I need to know where your loyalties lie.”

          “I have helped you for nearly a decade, and you’re asking me that?  I went into a warzone for you once upon a time.”

          A sigh.  With Jeri, that could mean so many things.  Elsa waited.  Jeri finally spoke again, her tone flat.  “Elsa.”

          “Jeri, I thought we were friends.  That means something to me.”  Elsa gripped the phone harder.  “Am I just another tool to you?”

          “No.”  Jeri’s swift response was reassuring.  “But what I’m about to ask you to do might be…difficult.”

          “Ask.”

          “Stop working cases for Chao and Benowitz.”

          Elsa blinked.  That wasn’t what she expected.  “You want me to stop working with your partners?”

          “They’re trying to squeeze me out.”

          “Oh.  Well, fuck that noise.  I’m with you.  Did I have any cases on the books with them?”

          “Chao requested you for one, next week, if you returned from Denver early enough.”

          “Tell her to get fucked.”  Jeri laughed, and the relief that Elsa could hear in it made her frown.  Jeri was not usually so emotional.  It was one of the things Elsa had liked in the other woman.  “Jeri, are you ok?”

          “I’ll explain when I can.”

          “Jeri…”  Elsa put a tone of warning in her voice.

          “I swear to you, I will explain.”

          “I’m going to hold you to that.  Will Heather still pass me requests from distant clientele?”

          “Yes.  I told her to send all requests to you directly.  You can decide if you want them or not.”

          “Thank you.”

          “No, thank you,” Jeri sounded so relieved.  Too relieved.

          Elsa really didn’t like that the other woman wasn’t at least giving her a head’s up.  “If you need anything, Jeri, please ask.”

          Jeri sighed.  “Of course.  Gotta go,” she said and hung up before Elsa could forestall her.

          Elsa frowned.  This was not good.  She fretted about what on earth could cause Jeri Hogarth to find herself on the receiving end of a takeover almost all the way home.  Once home, though, the worries were pushed out of her head.  Jeri, after all, was part cat.  She’d land on her feet. 

          Elsa continued to do work in other states while Jeri was under attack.  She also refused Benowitz and Chao, even after Chao offered her what amounted to a partnership.  Chao bitched her out even while admitting that she found Elsa’s loyalty admirable.  Elsa let the admiration and the anger roll off her back. 

          One evening, walking home she sensed something.  Someone was watching her, focusing on her.  She probed, lightly, and found the person was taking pictures and thinking of a ‘client.’  A creepy client, but the money was good.  Elsa instantly thought about that creeper from Denver.  She sighed.  She’d need proof, but at least this was a good warning. 

          Elsa almost felt sorry for whoever-this-was.  She wasn’t going to be home for at least a week, possibly longer thanks to the legal group in Miami working a really nasty personal injury case.  It was finally going to trial, and the plaintiff’s lawyer was more than willing to pay Elsa to help his client (and thus himself) get as much money as possible.  After Miami, she was taking a vacation and was considering actually leaving NYC for a while. 

          She unlocked her door and went inside, thinking about all the things she had to do…and stopped, frowning.  She couldn’t have said what was out of place, but something was _off._   _That fucking PI_ , she thought.  _He cased my house!_  

          Fury.  Then fear.  She ran upstairs, to her bedroom.  Nothing was amiss there.  Her spare room’s door was closed, but she opened it anyway.  Heading to the closet, she found clothes, suitcases both packed and unpacked: things were haphazard and crazy, and somehow, she knew he hadn’t dug through it all.  She sighed in relief, and then pushed things out of the way to find Hernan’s bag.  It was untouched, but she was unhappy enough that she was going to move it. 

          Elsa pulled the bag out and turned to look around.  The spare room was ready for an occupant but had never had one.  Long ago, she had requested a floor safe, never imagining she’d use it to hide her ex-boyfriend’s clothes and cash.  But, she needed to protect it and she didn’t trust this PI not to come back.  She pushed the bed aside, picked up the area rug, and moved aside the secret panel. 

          She punched in the code, opened the door, and slid the duffel bag inside.  She had to squish it a little, but it fit.  She sighed, caressing the bag.  It was utilitarian, plain, but it was Hernan’s.  She missed him.  She hated everything she kept hearing about him.  He’d been spotted with Mariah Dillard recently, and just the thought of him with another woman made her insane with jealousy.  She couldn’t even understand that.  She’d accepted him with Che, no problem.  Even found that a bit exciting, somehow.  But Mariah… No.  No way he could possibly love that woman.  Was that it?  Was it that he was acting?  Or was she fearing being replaced?  She sighed and shook her head, pushing the thoughts away.

          Elsa closed the safe, made sure it locked, and returned it to its invisible status.  She left the guest room, closing the door tightly, and decided to use an old trick her mom had taught her.  She plucked one of the hairs from her head, opened the door, and closed the door on that same hair.  Then she manipulated it so she could barely see it against the grain of the wooden door frame. 

          Perfect.  If that creepy PI did come back, she’d know if he went into that room.


	13. Elsa gets an update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa calls Mae for news, and gets too much.

          Elsa called Mae from Miami after an utterly horrible day in court.  Mostly, she needed to hear a friendly voice.  Mae had met a guy through Karen and the others, and this guy was making her super happy.  Plus, at long last Jeri had conquered the others rebelling against her and was taking Rand’s business and starting her own firm.  Things were looking up for everyone back home. 

          “Elsa!  You’ve been a stranger.”  Despite the mild accusation in the words, Mae’s voice was warm and happy.  “What’s up?”

          “I’m working, as usual.  Miami this time.  This city sucks.  Traffic is fucking ridiculous.  But ohmigod, the food.”  Elsa flinched.  She shouldn’t have mentioned that.  It just made her think of Hernan.  Again.  Then again, what didn’t?  She really needed to get over him…why was it so difficult?

          “Miami, huh?  You hit the beach?”

          “Hoping to, if we ever have a good day in court.”  Elsa sighed. 

          “Tough case?”

          “Personal injury.  Every time I help with one of these, I think it’s the last time.  They are so godawful!  But then they offer me more money, and I think maybe it’ll be ok this time.”

          “Ew, yeah.”  Elsa could hear Mae rustling around, then she must’ve covered the phone, because her voice was muffled, speaking to someone else.  Then she cleared her throat and addressed Elsa again.  “So, how much news do you want?”

          “Gimme all of it,” Elsa said, sitting down on the bed and curling her legs under her. 

          Mae filled her in on work, on stuff with Danny and Colleen, and Misty’s recovery from her injury.  She paused, then spoke more quietly.  “So, um.”

          “Um?”

          “Shades.”

          Elsa swallowed and tried for nonchalant.  “What about him?”

          “He’s back.  And he’s… Well.  You know Harlem is not a nice place.”

          “What do you mean?”

          “They’re calling him Mariah’s bitch on the streets.”

          Elsa couldn’t help the gasp that escaped her at the mere thought of Hernan being _anyone’s_ bitch.  “What the fuck.”

          “He’s helping her consolidate power, El.  They’re…”  Mae huffed a breath out.  “Gross.”

          “You mean they’re together.”

          “Yup.  And… Gross about it.  Like, he's pulling some shit I didn't expect.  And... It's just really bad.”

          Elsa closed her eyes, images flickering through her mind.  Dammit.  She huffed out a breath.  “He’s not mine anymore.  He can do what he wants.”

          “Uh huh.  Right.  And I’m the fucking queen.”  Background noise, which caused Mae to cackle merrily.  “Sorry.  Frank said I was indeed the queen of fucking.”

          Elsa laughed.  “I think I like him,” she said. 

          “I hope you’ll get to meet him soon.”

          “Me too.”

          “Let me know when you’re going to be home.  I’ll make dinner, you can meet Frank.”

          “Ohmigod, you’ll make the sauce?”

          Mae laughed.  “Yes, I’ll make the sauce.”

          Elsa squealed.  “I’ll definitely be there.”

          They talked a bit longer about nothing in particular, and then Mae needed to go because work was calling.  Elsa hung up, and then wrapped her arms around her upright leg, resting her chin on her knee.  Shades and Mariah.  Fuck.

          It took her a long time to fall asleep that night.


	14. The explosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa hears everything but finds her heart unchanged.

          Miami’s personal injury case finally got its jury set up, and Elsa went back to NYC.  She had promised herself some time off and loitered in the airport checking out various destinations, trying to consider what she wanted.  Unfortunately, while there, she was assaulted with images of Luke Cage being beaten by another man called “Bushmaster.”  Sighing, she called Claire only to learn that she and Luke had had a really nasty fight, and Claire was leaving “to clear her head.” 

          Elsa sympathized, told her to call anytime, and wondered if leaving town was such a good idea.  So much was happening…she decided to make another call, this time to Danny.  Luke seemed in a bad way, and even though Elsa’s loyalty was with Hernan, Luke was a good person.  As she left a message for Danny, her phone beeped, letting her know she had a voicemail.

          Mama Janis was almost incomprehensible, but Elsa got the gist.  Darius was dead, murdered.  Shades had come to tell her himself.  Elsa’s knees went weak.  She staggered to a nearby chair and sat there, trying to focus, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.  

          Darius dead?  But… Shades would never let anything happen to him. 

          Elsa called Janis back.  The older woman was distraught.  Elsa informed her she was coming over and hung up.  She called and left a message for Mae, and then headed over to Janis’s.  She stayed with the older woman, who showed her pictures of Darius and Hernan from better days.  Janis told her Hernan had come to her to give her the news face to face. 

          “He said Darius was a snitch.  That ain’t my son.  I don’t know what happened, but…”  Janis sighed.  “There’s no way.”

          “I am sure we will find out, Mama J,” Elsa said.  “Things don’t stay buried long, here.”

          Janis nodded.  “And that’s the damn truth.” 

          After a bit more tea, and Elsa making her eat, Janis sent the other woman home.  Elsa capitulated, only because she was hoping she could find some way to contact Hernan.  This was not like him. 

          Before she could follow through, however, Elsa needed to find him.  Then, abruptly, the entire world was buzzing about the “Rum-punch massacre.”  She watched the news, horrified, and had to turn away.  Harlem was exploding, and it was ugly.  She turned it off, and spent some time unpacking some of her bags, doing laundry, and cleaning.  By the time she was done, it was almost dark.

          She checked her phone, to find two messages from Misty and one from Mae.  Misty’s first message just asked her to call.  Her second message said she’d be sending a car, because “there are things you need to hear.” 

          Mae’s message was short and to the point.  “Shit has hit the fan.  Shades is involved, and it looks really ugly.  Call me if you need me.”

          Elsa cleaned up and dressed.  She went outside to find her stalker was hanging out.  She sighed and stepped back inside to make a quick phone call.  Since Jeri had started calling Malcolm, Elsa decided to follow suit. 

          She got voicemail and reluctantly left a message.  “Malcolm, it’s Elsa Korre.  I work with Jeri.  Listen, I need to hire an investigator.  Jeri said your rates are reasonable.  I’ve got a PI staking me out and need to know why and who hired him.  Let me know if you’re up for it.”

          Elsa hung up and closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose.  This entire situation stank, and her stomach was fluttering with nerves and foreboding.  Just then, a rap at her door startled her.  The officer standing outside was so new he practically squeaked.  Misty could have at least sent someone comfortable in the uniform, Elsa thought grumpily. 

          The drive to the station seemed to take forever and no time at all.  As soon as she stepped out of the car, Elsa knew why Misty wanted her there.  She could sense Hernan, and it made her stop and just stand next to the cop car, hand on the roof.  She didn’t want to go into that building.  She didn’t want to know what Misty thought was so fucking important for her to see.  

          “Elsa?”

          “Janis?”  The voice made her turn, startled.  “What are you doing here?”

          “I don’t know but I’m glad to see you,” Janis said.  “I was informed that there was information I needed to hear about my son, and that can’t be good news.”

_Oh god, no,_ Elsa thought.  “Well, I’m glad to be here to support you, then,” she said aloud.  Janis took her elbow as they followed their uniformed escort into the building, and Elsa could abruptly feel the other woman’s worry and the weight of her sadness.  Elsa patted her hand and tried to project comfort.

          Elsa knew, once they were put in a viewing room, what she would see.  Janis, though…

          “What is Hernan doing there?” Janis asked. 

          “I don’t know,” Elsa said softly, “but I think we’re going to find out.”

          This was torture.  Seeing him, feeling his emotions, and not being able to touch him or talk to him.  Elsa was fidgeting, and she couldn’t stop because she wanted to be in there, with him.  Hernan was putting on a good front, arrogant expression complete with owning the room style body language:  arms spread and hands flat on the table.  But his real emotions were dire.  Something had broken him and broken him badly.  He was bleeding inside, and Elsa could feel it.  This was going to be bad.

          Then Misty sat down, with another cop as a witness and a lawyer for Hernan, and it began.  Everything shattered.

          Hernan spoke extravagantly, his arrogant façade perfect.  He told them everything.  Everything he’d done.  Everything Mariah had done.  He made it all sound good.  But then the lawyer for him had to recuse, and Hernan just. Kept. Going.  Elsa’s legal instincts were screaming that this was bad news.   

          When he described killing Che, Janis broke, gasping and then sobbing quietly.  Elsa was in too much pain, feeling Hernan’s heartbreak at what he’d done.  For Mariah.  For his other woman.  She rubbed Janis’s back, eyes hot and dry, staring at the man in the other room and trying to comfort the older woman.  Misty needed a break after she learned how he’d tricked and killed Candace.  Elsa just sat there and stared at the man she loved, wondering what the fuck Misty expected her to learn.  Did Misty really think she didn’t know Hernan had done some despicable things?  Did she really think Elsa was so oblivious?  Everything he’d done was within the code of honor she’d seen in him.  It wasn’t a cop code, but it was the code of the streets.  Elsa knew he followed those rules.  And Hernan was paying the price for enforcing them.  He’d lost everything, everyone.  Couldn’t Misty see through him? 

          Additionally, a small part of Elsa analyzing his confession realized Hernan was not telling them everything.  He knew what everyone was doing; he gave most of the orders.  He knew far more dirt than he was giving Misty.  Elsa realized he was only implicating himself, dead people, or Mariah.  Even now.  Even in his most extreme moment, he was protecting the streets.  She finally broke, realizing that, tears slipping down her cheeks. 

          Misty came back.  They finished.  Hernan gave them what they needed.  Elsa sat there, trying to untangle her feelings from Hernan’s, trying to find her center.  Trying to figure out why she wasn’t more upset, more disgusted.  Janis patted her on the shoulder and stood up.  Elsa watched the other woman as if from a far distance, still too tangled and pained to move. 

          Janis stalked into the hallway and spit in Hernan’s face, and Elsa felt the wave of fresh despair from him.  She wanted to go to him, but more and more her sadness and pain were turning to fury.  What the fuck was this?  What was the purpose?  How could Misty think this would help any of them?  How could it help _Janis_ to lose Hernan?  Was this just to hurt him more?  Did Misty hate him that much? 

          Elsa waited, sitting in that room.  She wasn’t ready to talk to or see Hernan.  She didn’t need to spit on him like Janis.  She needed to talk to him, to ask questions.  She needed to know why Mariah, but even as she thought it she realized why:  Mama Mabel had saved him.  He thought helping Mariah would pay her back, but more, he wanted to be a Stokes.  He wanted that power, and he thought he needed to support someone with the Name. 

          “Oh, Hernan, you idiot,” Elsa muttered.  And with that, her decision was clear.  She opened the door and stalked into the hallway, where Misty was pacing.  “He’s gone?”

          “He’s gone.” 

          Elsa slapped her.  Three uniforms reached for their guns, and a plain clothes man moved like he was going to grab her, but Misty held up a hand.  Elsa ignored them, staring into Misty’s eyes.  This was personal, and she knew Misty would get it.  “Did you really think that would help?”

          “You needed to see what he is.”

          “I know what he is!” Elsa yelled.  “I have always known, from the beginning, Misty.  I did not need to see that performance to know who Hernan Alvarez is.  And you’re an idiot if you think it wasn’t a performance.”

          “You still want to see the best in him, Elsa?  Did you not hear him confess to murdering his best friend in cold blood?”

          Elsa felt her hands forming fists.  “I heard what he said, but I also hear what’s in his heart.  Something you didn’t get.  Something you’ll never see.  God, Misty.  How could you?”

          “I just showed you the truth.”

          “You showed me what you see.  But you didn’t try to look at what _I_ see.  And that’s the difference between us.” 

          Misty stood there, frowning, completely baffled and a little angry, while Elsa stalked off.  Elsa slammed her way out of the precinct, so angry she didn’t feel anything but her own rage.  She didn't notice Hernan standing inside the doorway, in the shadows.  He was waiting for Misty, to be hooked up with a wire and help catch Mariah. 

          And he had heard every word. 


	15. Mae sides with Elsa--and Hernan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mae helps Elsa figure things out, and they work to mitigate Misty's damage.

          Elsa went home.  She decided she’d stay close to the city but she was going to make a pilgrimage tomorrow after she tried to get some sleep.  The Cloisters had always been special to her, and she needed the quiet.  Plus, being inside a museum was a good excuse to just cut everyone off.  She forgot that best friends sometimes know each other better than they know themselves. 

 

          The next day, Misty called Mae, upset that her plan hadn’t worked to destroy Elsa’s belief in Hernan.  Unfortunately for Misty, Mae wasn’t having any of it either.  After Misty described last night’s shenanigans, Mae’s frown just deepened.  She wanted to shake some sense into Misty.

          “Wait, so you’re telling me you didn’t warn Elsa about Shades AND you stuck her in there with Che’s mama?  Jesus, Misty, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

          “I was trying to help!”

          “Help yourself get revenge on Shades, sounds like.  What the fuck, Misty.  Let go of it.  This is beneath you.”

          “The fuck it is,” Misty retorted, furious.  “The man is poison.”

          “Not to Elsa.  Not with Elsa.  He did some shit, sure, but goddammit, she could help him.”  Mae realized she believed that.  She believed Elsa could bring Shades out of his self-imposed darkness.  The realization made her even angrier at Misty.  “Butt out, ok?  E’s going to need to calm down.  She seriously slapped you?”

          “I could have hauled her ass in for assaulting an officer.”

          “Good thing you didn’t, she’d have sued you for emotional distress for the whole night.”

          “God, I hate lawyers.”

          “Yeah, well, I don’t.  But you’re on my shit list, Misty.  Just… leave Shades alone, ok?”

          “As long as he keeps helping me, he’s mine.”

          “Fuck that, he’s Elsa’s.  You’re just borrowing him.”

          “Uh huh.  Whatever.”  A pause.  “Just… tell her…”  Misty paused.  “Tell her I owe her one.”

          “Yeah.  Damn right you do.”  Mae hung up and pinched the bridge of her nose.  Welp, she needed to find E, because this was a whole clusterfuck.  “Dammit, Misty,” she muttered as she stomped into her room to find her boots.  It was a good thing Frank was off working.  She sent him a text, wrote a note in case his phone got shot up again and headed out.

 

 

          Elsa was sitting in an alcove near a Joan of Arc tapestry.  She always thought Joan got short shrift.  Everyone always talked about the martyr part, but no one ever delves into the fact that the girl literally led an army and won.  Kind of like Mae, she thought.  Mae kicked ass and took no shit.  Elsa sighed and wished she was more like her friend.  Mae wouldn’t have let Shades go, she thought.  Mae would have talked to him, or something.  How could she still side with him?  He was an admitted killer.  And yet… she had a feeling Mae wouldn't care about that, either.  

          As if Elsa’s thoughts conjured her, Mae stalked into view.  Elsa blinked, wondering briefly if she was hallucinating, but then a brief mental touch let her know she wasn’t.  Mae’s emotions roiled.  She was pissed, but not at Elsa.  Elsa couldn’t put together what Mae was doing here, or how she’d know to come to this place.  Mae walked up to her and Elsa just stared at her. 

          Mae blew her bangs out of her face and folded her arms.  “Brooding?”

          Stung, Elsa glared.  “No!”

          ”Yeah you are.  Come on,” Mae sat down next to her.  “You need some doughnuts or something.  And coffee.”

          “I always need coffee.”  A pause.  “What are you _doing_ here?”

          “Came to get you.  Knew you’d come here.  You always talk about how peaceful this place is.” 

          “I do…?”  Elsa closed her mouth, feeling emotional.  To have someone see you so clearly.  It was special, and dammit, Mae was a good friend.  Elsa swallowed to keep from sniffling.  

          “Come on.  I heard about Shades and all that mess.  You should have punched Misty in the face, not slapped her.”

          That startled a laugh out of her.  “Oh, Jesus, Mae.  I very nearly did.”

          “She fucking well deserved it.” 

          “Mae… Hernan is broken in a way I’ve never felt anyone broken before.  That shit Mariah pulled…”  Elsa wasn’t pulling her powers, and the mental snarl that Mae released when Elsa said the name ‘Mariah’ had chills running down her back.  Mae wanted Mariah’s death more than Elsa did.  Elsa forced herself to continue.  “It was beyond belief.”

          “She needs a fucking bullet.”

          “That’s too slow,” Elsa said, fury replacing the other emotions she’d been feeling.  Mariah had broken a good man, and she deserved pain.  “She should burn like she did to that poor man, except without a bullet to stop it.”

          Mae glanced at her, and Elsa could feel the approval the other woman felt at her words.  “I know some people.”

          “Ha.  Let’s not join Hernan in the swamp, Mae.  Somebody has to be there to pull him out.”

          “You’re good at that.”  Mae stood up, turned and offered her a hand.  “I’m good at other stuff.”

          “Yeah, you are,” Elsa said with a smile as she took Mae’s hand.  “Dunks?”

          “Thought you’d never ask.”

 

          Elsa wasn’t expecting them to _actually_ go to Dunks, but Mae had a vehicle and thus Mae made the decisions.  They got coffee, and Elsa got a chocolate frosted doughnut and sat down with her friend to talk a bit more.  Elsa put her back to the TV intentionally.  She was tired of seeing people she knew on the news.  She tore her doughnut into bits, and ate them slowly, trying to block out all the other people. 

          Unfortunately, most of the people were gossiping about the big news, so even if the TV hadn’t been blaring, Elsa could not escape it.  Mariah had been successfully arrested and sent to jail, and people were either smug that another corrupt politician was going down or gossiping about the “evil” woman and how she’d snowed everyone.  They were even talking about how Shades turned on her, with varying degrees of smug or misogynistic bullshit. 

          Elsa rested her forehead on her hands.  “Goddammit, they’re going to think Shades is a fucking snitch.”

          Mae sipped her coffee.  “He did talk, Elsa.”

          “He knew everything going on in Harlem, and the only people aside from himself and Mariah that he implicated in anything are already dead.”

          Mae pondered that, tilting her head to one side.  “Seriously?” 

          “Seriously.”

          “That’s fucking slick.”  Mae wrapped both hands around her coffee cup and Elsa could feel her amusement.  Then Mae’s heart dropped.  “But they won’t realize that.”  She waved a hand.  “Harlem, I mean.  They’re going to buy Misty’s story, that he was a dirty fucking snitch.”

          Elsa stared at Mae, her coffee cup halfway to her mouth.  “Shit.  He could be in danger.”

          “Is,” Mae corrected her. 

          Elsa agreed, but then had an idea.  “You mind driving me down to Turk’s head shop?”

          Mae looked at her, skeptical.  “What are you thinking?”

          “Turk’s the biggest fucking gossip in the world.  If we go in there and tell him Misty’s fucking Shades over, and that he didn’t snitch on anyone but Mariah…”  Elsa spread her hands.  “Word’ll get out.”

          Mae eyed Elsa.  “You and Shades could have ruled this fucking city.”

          Elsa wasn’t sure that was a compliment, at first.  But Mae’s admiration for her loyalty bled through the blocks she’d put up to keep other customers out.  She grinned.  “Good thing I’m on the side of the angels, eh?”

          “Something like that.  Finish your doughnut and let’s go spread some gossip.”

 

 

          They went into Harlem and Turk responded pretty much how Elsa had predicted he would.  He was furious that Misty would fuck with Shades that way and had a grudge against Luke since Luke and ‘that white boy’ messed with his stuff.  Elsa apologized for that, mentioning that Danny was a nice kid but tended to follow Luke’s lead.  She slipped him a couple hundred bucks, thus ensuring his goodwill, and that her words would get around. 

          Mae was amused.  They headed back to her SUV and drove off.  Elsa felt Hernan before she saw him, heading into Pop’s Barber Shop.  She wondered what he was doing there.  He and Luke weren’t exactly friends, after all.  She didn’t mention it, though.  She still didn’t want to talk to him, yet. 

          As Mae was heading back to Queens, Elsa’s phone rang.  She sent it to voicemail and continued chatting with the other woman.  Mae invited her to dinner, but she begged off, postponing it until next week.  Mae dropped her off at her home, and she fought the urge to wave at the white van still sitting down the road. 

          Elsa’s phone rang again as she was trying to unlock her front door, and she ignored it.  But the third time it rang, she finally answered.  It was another fucking personal injury case.  She tried to refuse, and the lawyer kept upping his offer.  She finally accepted when he tripled her usual asking price and per diem and mentioned where he was.  She always had trouble refusing Chicago jobs.  She missed the city, the lake, and the food.  He told her he’d email her the ticket, first class, for tomorrow.  She called Mae, got Mae’s voice mail and left a message that she’d have to postpone depending on how long this case took.

          Elsa headed upstairs to charge her phone and pack.  And as she set her phone down, it beeped that she had a voicemail message.  She frowned and opened her mailbox to listen. 

_“I heard every word, querida.  I’ll be back soon.”_

          Elsa set her phone down and sighed.  She hoped…but it was so hard to have faith.  Could even she fix him? 


	16. Freedom?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get Hernan out of jail and then set to figuring things out.

          Mariah’s arraignment happened during all this.  Fortunately, the judge wasn’t having any of Mariah’s bullshit and threw her back in jail.  Elsa heard about it from a lawyer friend.  She also heard from a few other contacts that Mariah was not doing poorly in jail, but rather seemed to take to it.  That was worrisome, but she continued to have faith that Mariah would get what was coming to her.  The wheels of justice were slow, but Elsa had to believe in them or she couldn’t do her job. 

          And the job was vexing.  As per usual, personal injury was tricky.  The lawyer was a decent fellow, and the plaintiff was actually an honest person just trying to get their insane medical bills paid.  That helped.  Elsa did her best for them, but opposing counsel was prickly and was trying to find an angle. 

          Even worse, the second week of this frustrating case she got another message from Hernan.  This one was from jail.  He got screwed bigtime.  Mariah was dead, and Misty was using a sneaky fucking clause in his agreement to ensure he went to prison.  Elsa was irate.  Fortunately, so was Mae.  And since Mae was there, she could help.  She agreed to go to Jeri and call in all the chips if she had to, in order to make sure Hernan got out.

          Elsa called Vanessa and begged her to make sure that Fisk protected Hernan.  She was terrified that some misinformed inmate would try to take Shades out for being a snitch.  Vanessa assured her that she would take care of it. 

          After that, all she could do was wait and worry.  And do the job she was hired for.  Dammit.  Fortunately, Mae kept her informed.  Even though the legal mess with Hernan was moving slowly, too.  She finally got a text from Mae that Shades was going to be out the next morning, and she was going to pick him up and take him home.

          “He’ll rest better at my place.  Frank and I can protect him,” the text said, “and he knows that.”

          “Better than anyone,” Elsa replied.  “And they might look for him at my place.  Even though he tried to keep me hidden, I’m sure some people know.”

          “Either way.  Let me know when you’re coming home.  I’m betting it’ll perk him up.”

          Elsa laughed a bit bitterly, grateful Mae couldn’t hear her.  She still didn’t know what to say to Hernan.  Had he really loved Mariah?  The thought left her so ambivalent. “Should be soon,” she texted.  “Only one juror left to pick, and we have a nice big pool available tomorrow.”

          “Good luck.”

          “Thanks.  I need it.”

          Elsa sighed and headed out to get dinner.  She hadn’t had a good Chicago pizza yet and wasn’t going to miss out on the chance.  She pushed worries about Hernan aside and focused on enjoying her dinner.  Tomorrow would have its own challenges, and she couldn’t let her heart throw off her game.

 

          The following day was a challenge, but by 2pm they’d gotten the jury and Elsa was able to head home.  She headed to the airport with another first-class ticket, amused by how effusively grateful everyone involved had been.  She would definitely work with them again, though hopefully not for a while. 

          The flight home was uneventful, and she texted Mae as soon as she landed.  Mae replied quickly and let her know Hernan was still sleeping.  “I told him to call you when he wakes up,” the follow-up text read.  Elsa pondered that as she headed to the cab waiting zone.  Did she want to deal with this up front, or try to put it off?  As she was pondering, her phone beeped again.  “Or you could come over.  You still need to meet Frank.”

           Elsa looked at her suitcase and carry on and decided Mae wouldn’t have made the offer if it wasn’t genuine.  Plus, she needed to step up or step aside, and the only way she could figure out which way she was going was to talk to Hernan and see.  She texted back, “on my way.  Just don’t let me forget my suitcases at your place again.”

          “LOL, ok,” came the reply.  “FYI, in case I didn’t mention it before, Frank’s dog’s here, too.” 

          “Aww, yay,” Elsa replied, glad she was wearing jeans and not her usual leggings.  “See you soon.  Can’t wait to meet the puppy.”

          Elsa got a cab, gave them Mae’s address up in Hell’s Kitchen, and leaned back against the seat, staring out the window but not really seeing.  Her stomach was knotted.  She knew Hernan had been through hell, but it was the things she didn’t know that were killing her.  Mostly around Mariah and Shades and their relationship.  She didn’t know how she would feel if he actually had loved Mariah.  Could she forgive it?  Overlook it?  Accept it? 

          The cab ride was too quick.  The cabby stopped in front of Mae’s building and took her bags out of the trunk.  She tipped him generously and dragged the stuff to Mae’s apartment.  She could feel Mae and a strange presence in the kitchen.  The other man’s mind was bright, focused on Mae and tinged with orange worry, though Elsa could not tell what was bothering him. 

          Hernan’s mind was quiescent with sleep, but just knowing he was there and she’d be able to touch him had her heart fluttering.  Dammit.  Dammit a thousand times.  She knocked, and a dog barked and then snuffled the door intently.  She couldn’t help but smile. 

          Mae opened the door with a grin.  “Hey.  This is Max.” 

          Elsa greeted the dog enthusiastically, aware of the other mind approaching.  Then she looked up and stared for a moment, in shock.  That wasn’t what she’d expected at all.  She slanted her gaze at Mae.  “Mae Star Thornton you MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME.”

          Frank looked amused as he mouthed ‘star?’ and Mae shrugged with a crooked grin, obviously pleased with herself.  “What, I needed to be specific?”

          Elsa dragged her luggage into the apartment, followed by Max (who thought her luggage was awesome and was sniffing everything intently).  She put her hands on her hips and glared at Mae, though it was mostly bluster.  “I’ve been over here worrying about what you’d think about Shades and his crimes, and you’re dating a man whose body count has a body count!”  She gestured apologetically at Frank, “no offense.”

          Frank held his hands up, palms out.  “None taken.”

          Mae took Frank’s hand once he lowered them and smiled at him.  The dewy-eyed look was something Elsa had never seen on her face before, and it took her aback. Mae’s words surprised her, too.  “He makes me feel safe.”

          And just like that, Elsa accepted it.  Mae’s feelings—and Frank’s—were plain to her, and Mae finding someone who made her feel safe and comfortable was worth any discomfort Elsa might feel.  “Hi Frank.  Nice to meet you,” she said with a smile and an extended hand. 

          Frank took her hand, which she read was unusual for him.  “Nice to meet you, too, Elsa.  Mae’s spoken very fondly of you.”

          “She’s got an interesting way of being fond,” Elsa said dryly. 

          “Well, I can’t argue with that,” Frank said with a grin.

          Mae rolled her eyes at the pair of them and then wandered off into the kitchen.  Frank followed, and Elsa glanced down the hallway.  Hernan was still sound asleep, that she could tell.  But she still wanted to be able to touch him.  She almost felt that she needed to touch him to know he was real.  Mae glanced over and put her hands on her hips. 

          “Elsa, go see him.  You won’t settle until you do.  I’ll finish the sauce, and Frank can help set the table.”

          Elsa smiled, knowing that Mae was giving them a little privacy.  “I don’t want to wake him,” she said softly, feeling shy and even more nervous.

          “Then don’t.  Just go check on him.”

          Elsa took one step, and then her momentum carried her forward.  She walked down the hallway, trying to tread softly.  The door was closed, and she went ahead and opened it.  As soon as she did, she felt him awaken.  Too many years of wariness, plus the recent prison stay meant old habits that would probably never die were back.  He rolled over, his eyes wary and tired, and then they widened just a bit as he realized who it was in his doorway.

          Hernan stared at her, wordless.  Elsa stared back, noting the bare chest with more new tattoos, the weight loss, the bags under his eyes that one day of sleep hadn’t cured, and yet, the way his eyes lit up upon seeing her.  “Querida,” he murmured.  “Am I dreaming?”

          It made her chuckle softly.  Elsa stepped into the room but didn’t move away from the door.  She swallowed, her throat dry, but managed to whisper, “No, Hernan.”

          “Elsa?”

          She decided not to pretend she didn’t understand.  “Did you love her?”

          “Querida,” Hernan murmured, then ran a hand over his face.  “I thought I did.  I thought she loved me.  But it wasn’t what I... I needed to…”  He shook his head.  “I don’t even know.  I loved the power.  I loved the idea of us.  I thought…”  he laughed, and it was a bitter sound.  “I thought she could take me out of the shadows.  But she just made them darker.”  He looked distraught, and she caught the memories from his mind, memories of that last murder that made her flinch.  Even he had lines he wouldn't, couldn't cross.  And yet Mariah had.  “She became my worst nightmare.  Because of her, I’m done.  I’m a fucking snitch.”  The bitterness that accompanied that thought choked Elsa. 

          Elsa stepped closer to the bed, and when he reached for her she accepted his hand and let him pull her down to sit next to him on the bed.  She turned sideways, so she could face him.  “Hernan,” she cupped his cheek with one hand.  “Is that what you want?  To be free of the shadows?”

          “All I want,” he said, pushing her hair back and cupping her cheek, “is to be with you.  If you’ll still have me.”

          Elsa leaned in and kissed him lightly, barely brushing his lips with hers, a silent yes between them.  But still, there were things she could not let go of.  She pulled away, looking into his eyes.  “I need you to know, I heard everything.  I was with Mama J.”

          Hernan flinched at the thought of Janis.  He shook his head and looked away.  “I know.  I was still there.  You defended me.  Jesus, Elsa.  How can you still?”

          “I know what’s in your heart, Hernan.  I know how much it all broke you.”

          He laughed bitterly.  “Broken.  That’s a good word for me.”

          “Hernan,” Elsa said, a tone of warning in her voice.  “I will tell you the same thing I told Mae.  You are not your past.  You are the choices you make going forward.  You can fix yourself and get out there with us, or you can wallow and get left behind.”

          “ _You_ were the one who told that to Mae,” Hernan said with a wry laugh.

          “She was wallowing,” Elsa said lightly.  She didn’t need Hernan to know how completely shattered Mae had been, or how she’d spent a while just going through the motions.  Then again, he’d seen Mae; she’d gone to him in person to tell him about Perro.  He knew how bad off she’d been.  Elsa had hung in there for her friend, and it had been a good thing.  But she didn’t want Hernan to go through all that, nor did she think she could stand to watch Hernan suffering that badly.

          Hernan was silent for a long moment, and Elsa could feel that he was grieving.  “Elsa.  I can’t go back.  Not only am I a fucking snitch, Luke said he’d kill me.”

          Elsa growled.  “He has no right—”

          “He has every right.  He’s the boss now.”

          “Fine, he has the right,” Elsa said flatly.  “But you—”

          “Elsa.”  She hushed and lifted an eyebrow at him.  He waved one hand.  “Harlem is gone, I’m dead to them.  The Stokes family is gone, dead for real, and I’m here.  I don’t know what to do with my life.  I don’t know…” _who I am anymore._ He couldn’t say it, but Elsa heard it anyway.  She could feel how lost he was, and she picked up the hand he was still clinging to and kissed it.  Hernan smiled and returned the gesture, letting his lips rest against her knuckles.

          “I had an idea, but honestly, Hernan, you should find something you’re passionate about.”

          He ducked his head and then gave her a come-hither look, but the sparkle in his eyes was pure teasing.  “I know one thing I’m passionate about.”

          Elsa laughed.  “I love you, Hernan, but not here.  Not in Mae’s place.”

          Hernan froze, his eyes widening, and then he leaned forward, closer to her, cupping her chin.  His voice was husky, and Elsa could feel his almost overwhelming joy.  It brought tears to her eyes.  He spoke softly.  “Querida…  say it again.”

          “I love you, Hernan,” she whispered.  He kissed her hard, then pressed his forehead to hers.  Elsa laughed a bit brokenly.  “Te amo, cariño.”

          “I didn’t think you’d ever say it.”

          “I’m quite honestly terrified now,” Elsa admitted.  “Especially since I’d planned on telling you my secret before I said it.”

          “Your secret?”  Hernan brushed her hair away from her face, letting his fingertips trail down to her collarbone.  “Just one?”

          Elsa laughed, and there was a little note of hysteria in it.  But she reached up and let her fingers play over his forearm.  She prayed she wasn’t about to make a huge mistake.  “It’s the biggest one,” she said, trying to be flippant and failing a bit.  “I told you about sensing people.”

          “You did.  You were frustratingly vague,” he murmured.

          “On purpose,” she admitted, her heart pounding.  “It’s not easy.  But Mae said you know about her, and you don’t seem to care.”

          “I don’t.  Mae—and you—are people I trust.”

          “I meant what I said about sensing your emotions, earlier.”  Elsa smiled.  “One of the things I always loved about you was that you never lied to me.  I can sense it, and sometimes I get flashes about what people are thinking.  Pictures, usually.  But I don’t think most people actually think in words.  With rare exceptions,” she thought, remembering a few running commentary people she’d stumbled across.

          “So, you’re… a telepath?”

          “Not exactly,” Elsa admitted.  “It takes a closer bond for me to be able to ‘talk’ to people that way, usually.”

          “What kind of bond?”

          Elsa laughed.  “I really don’t know.  It’s not consistent.  I’d say sex, but I’ve had that with people I could barely feel emotion from, and it didn’t improve.  Then there’s people like you, and from the beginning, I could feel you like you were part of me.  Sex just made that stronger.”

          Hernan was contemplative, intrigued, and a bit wary.  “Seems like that would make you awfully hard to plan surprises for.”

          Elsa shook her head.  “It’s not like that.  I try not to pry.  I am usually pretty good at minding my own business.  I just tend to be more aware of people’s emotions than most, because people are really emotional, and I can’t always block that part of things out.”

          Hernan nodded, and Elsa pulled back to let him consider it.  “I still trust you, querida.  You’ve never done me wrong,” he said huskily.

          Before Elsa could reply, Mae’s voice came down the hallway.  “Hey, if you’re hungry, you better come and get it before we feed it to Max.”

          Elsa snorted and grinned.  “Be right there,” she called back.  “Come on.  Mae makes the BEST sauce, if you haven’t had it you don’t want to miss out.”

          Elsa stood up and offered Hernan a hand.  He took it, slid over to sit on the edge of the bed, and pulled gently, urging her closer.  She closed the distance, resting her free hand on his shoulder while he looked up at her, still holding her hand.  “Querida.”

          “Hernan?”

          “If it’s ok with Mae, will you stay here tonight?  With me?”

          Elsa was trying to give him space, but she could feel his grief, and how desperately he didn’t want to be alone.  She curled around him, kissing the top of his head.  “Of course, cariño.  Now, come on, get dressed.  Hot, delicious food awaits.”

          Elsa was startled when Hernan pulled a plain black t-shirt and jeans out of his duffel and dressed.  She was so used to seeing him in suits looking like a page out of GQ, this change was unexpected.  He smiled at her expression. 

          “I hope I can blend in,” he explained.  “This seems like a jeans and t-shirt kind of place.”

          “Mi corazon, you’d stand out in tatters,” Elsa said with a smile.  “But I like it.”

          Hernan nodded and followed her out into the living room, where Mae gave them a once-over and huffed a breath.  “Thought I’d have to send a search party,” she said, but her eyes were twinkling.  “Everything ok?”

          Elsa nodded.  “I had to tell him,” she said, letting the sentence trail off.  Mae would get it.

          Mae’s eyebrows went up.  She looked at Hernan, who gave her a nod.  She nodded back, and that was that. 

          Everyone piled into the kitchen to eat and catch up.  Of course, conversation stopped completely when Mae served the rich red sauce with giant meatballs in it.  Hernan, who hadn’t ever had it before, closed his eyes and practically purred at the first bite.  Elsa was amused, and Mae smugly accepted a new applicant for leftovers. 

          After dinner, Hernan and Elsa did dishes while Mae portioned out the meatball sauce and put it into Tupperware for leftovers.  Once they were done, Mae suggested bad movie night.  Elsa knew all about that and groaned while Frank agreed enthusiastically.  Hernan looked confused, but when Elsa dragged him to the loveseat next to Mae’s couch, he went along happily. 

          Mae put on a godawful, badly dubbed horror movie, and the group spent the next hour and a half making fun of all the idiocy.  Mae was leaning against Frank, who had his feet up on the coffee table.  Max was curled up next to Mae, his head on her leg.  Elsa had her legs across Hernan’s lap, while he was sitting normally.  Elsa could tell Hernan was still a little off, but he was trying, and she appreciated that. 

          Once the movie was over, the group chatted idly about plans for the next few days.  Mae welcomed Elsa staying over, but then glanced at Frank.  “I think Shades should stick close to here for a few days.”

          “Hey, Mae.  Call me Hernan.  Shades is dead,” Hernan said softly.

          Mae looked at him for a silent moment and then nodded.  “Sure, Hernan.  No problem.”

          Frank patted Mae on the arm lightly to get her attention.  She reached up for his hand, and they laced their fingers together.  “I have a job tomorrow,” Frank murmured.  “Let me up so I can get stuff together.”

          “Sure, babe,” Mae said.  “You got your kit?”

          “Yeah, going to check a few things,” Frank replied, “and I agree about Hernan sticking here.”  Frank looked at Elsa, assessing.  “I’ll leave a few guns and mags, just in case.  Mae said you guys can handle yourselves.”

          “Thank you,” Elsa said, straightening.  She knew that was high praise. 

          Frank and Mae vanished down the hall.  Elsa glanced at Hernan.  “Want to watch something else?  Mae won’t mind.”

          Hernan shrugged, and Elsa switched to her profile and started flipping through things to see if they could agree on something.  Elsa was surprised and giddy when Hernan mentioned a love of musicals that he rarely got to indulge.  They were discussing whether to watch something sad or something happy when Frank came stalking back into the living room looking thunderous.  Elsa felt Hernan tense, but she put a hand on his leg.  The other man wasn’t angry at them.

          Frank was holding a small silver device, one that Elsa didn’t recognize.  It beeped when he turned it back on, and then continued to beep.  He swept it over the area, and it beeped louder as he pointed it at Hernan and Elsa.  Elsa could feel Hernan’s cold anger, the return of his Shades persona—he knew what that device was and was not happy about it going off. 

          Frank walked over to stand behind the loveseat.  He swept the device over them, and the beeps were slower.  Towards the doorway, they were faster. 

          “Elsa?  Your bags?”

          Elsa stood up swiftly and stared at Frank in shock.  “My—fuck.”  She ran to the window, sweeping the curtains aside and peering out.  Sure enough, across the street, a white van.  She put a hand on her forehead, leaning against the wall.  Hernan rose and walked closer to her, looking worried.  Elsa narrowed her eyes and opened her mind to the interloper.  The PI was listening, but he hadn’t put two and two together yet.  “Can you fix it?”  Elsa asked Frank. 

          Frank gestured, and Mae picked up the bags.  Frank swept the device over the bag, and it lit up at one end.  Mae pulled a tiny silver disk from above the wheel, and they crushed it.  He swept the device over the other bag and found a bug near the handle.  Once both were crushed, the device beeped steadily but nothing lit up. 

          “Clear,” Frank said.  “Elsa, why the fuck are there bugs in your bag?”

          Frank’s voice was tight with fury, enough that Hernan put himself between Frank and Elsa.  She put a hand on his arm.  She knew Frank was not angry at her, just at the invasion of their privacy. 

          “That stupid fucking lawyer,” Elsa said, enraged.  She gestured behind her.  “There’s a white van out there with a PI in it.  I asked Malcolm to find out who he was and who hired him, even though I’m almost positive it was the damn Denver opposing counsel.  He will not take no for an answer.  He’s been harassing my office to the point that Jeri threatened to report him.”

          Hernan, Frank, and Mae all three turned on her at once, with varying levels of worry and anger.  Elsa held a hand up.  “Don’t do that,” she said, glaring at all three, though mostly at Mae.  “It’s not like I’ve exactly had all the time in the world to take care of this!  Malcolm was on it, he was going to let me know about the PI and get me proof it was Kisson that hired him.  Then I could do something about it.”

          Mae and Frank exchanged a meaningful look. 

          “NO,” Elsa said.  “The PI is just doing his job!”

          “Don’t care,” Mae said.  “He overstepped.”

          “We’re not going to kill him,” Frank muttered. 

          “Bummer,” Hernan said, causing Frank to chuckle.

          “I knew I liked you,” Frank said, causing Hernan to smile.

          Elsa sighed.  “I was trying to avoid this by hiring Malcolm.”

          “He didn’t work fast enough,” Frank said, opening the door for Mae.  “We’ll be right back.”

          Elsa turned back to the window and watched as they approached the van.  Mae tapped on the passenger glass while Frank hid in the blind spot on the driver’s side.  A few words were clearly exchanged, and then Frank was dragging the guy out of the van.  Elsa couldn’t resist, she opened to them. 

          Apparently, the idiot had insulted Mae.  Elsa approved of Frank’s actions, given the shifty, angry aura around the PI.  He was a dick, and Frank fed him a couple of fists before getting in his face.  The utter terror when he recognized Frank had Elsa stifling a giggle.  Hernan came over to her, though, and she realized he was angry.  He was cold, back to Shades again.  She turned to him, stepping closer and putting a hand on his chest.  “Hernan.  Don’t.”

          He covered her hand with his own.  “You shouldn’t have had to deal with this on your own,” he murmured quietly. 

          “I didn’t,” Elsa replied.  “Have to, I mean.  I have friends, Hernan.”  She leaned against him, wrapping her free arm around his neck.  “This only dragged on because I was busy and forgot to check in with Malcolm.  I thought it was harmless; I didn’t think he would use bugs.”  Hernan sighed, and she realized he felt guilty that he hadn’t been there to protect her.  Elsa peered up at him.  “Hey.  You’re here now,” she whispered.

          Hernan rested his forehead against hers.  “Guess I better be, if you’re going to go and get a fan club like that.”  Elsa chuckled. 

          The front door opened, interrupting the moment.  Hernan turned, and Elsa moved to stand at his side.  The amusement in Mae’s eyes reassured Elsa that whatever insult the PI had delivered, she wasn’t bothered by it.  Frank looked serious, as usual.  He was the one that spoke.  “He’s going to quit this job.”

          “Did he tell you it was Kisson?”

          “No.”  This from Mae.  “He said something about client privilege.  Wouldn’t talk even after he nearly pissed himself recognizing Frank.”

          “Did you get his name?”

          Mae handed Elsa a card.  _Smith Sleuthing._ How droll.  Elsa bit her lip, pondering.  “I may send Malcolm after him, just to get proof of interference.  But that’ll be later.  I’m exhausted.  Thanks for taking care of him.”

          “If this asshole lawyer is as persistent as you’ve implied,” Frank said quietly, “we likely just bought you a day or so.”

          “Yeah.  I’ll call Malcolm before I go to bed.”  Elsa could feel the weight of the day hitting her.  “Thanks for letting me stay, Mae.”

          Mae waved a hand.  “Anytime,” she said. 

          Elsa grabbed her carry on and headed back to the bedroom.  Hernan mouthed ‘thank you’ to Mae, earning him a smile, before he grabbed the other suitcase and followed. 

          Mae looked at Frank, then stepped closer and poked him in the chest.  “Thanks, you.”

          Frank frowned at her.  “For what?”

          “Defending my honor.”  She stretched up on her toes and kissed him. 

          He grinned down at her.  “Anytime, Star.”

          “Oh, shut up,” Mae said, walking to her room.

          “Yes, ma’am,” he replied, following.  That earned him a middle finger.  He closed the door to their bedroom, laughing.


	17. Finding normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hernan is out, but now what?

          Elsa woke up the next day certain she’d been dreaming.  But the warm presence at her back proved reality was better than dreams for once.  She snugged Hernan’s arm around her stomach and sighed happily.  Hernan stirred, pulled her closer, and buried his nose in her hair, breathing in her scent. 

          “Elsa,” he murmured, his voice husky with sleep.

          “Hernan.”

          “You forgive me?”

          “For what?  For Mariah?”  He sighed, and she pulled away enough to roll over to face him.  “I don’t need to forgive that.  And you know that I can’t forgive you for things you did on your own.  You have to forgive yourself.”

          “I don’t know if I can,” Hernan said softly.  His expression didn’t change, but his emotions crashed down.

          Elsa cupped his face in her hands and shook her head at him.  “You can.  You were doing what you thought was right at the time.  It is all that we ever can do.”

          “Killing Che was right?”

          “By your own rules,” Elsa said inexorably. 

          “In the end, I did the same thing.”

          “No, you didn’t.” 

          “Yes, I did,” he said, and Elsa shook her head firmly.  Hernan frowned at her.  “How can you say that I didn’t?”

          “You turned on Mariah after she broke the rules, did unforgivable things.  You didn’t turn on people who weren’t destroying themselves, the way that Che did when he turned on you.”

          Hernan stared at her, silent.  Finally, quietly, he spoke again.  “You really believe in me.”

          Elsa pulled back, glaring at him.  “Don’t you ever doubt it.”

          “Te amo, querida,” he said. 

          Elsa smiled and let him pull her close.  “Te amo, cariño.”  They cuddled together until hunger finally pulled them from the cocoon they wove around themselves.  Elsa put on a comfy t-shirt and shorts, not wanting to scandalize Hernan by wandering around in her underwear in front of Mae.  Though she was pretty sure Mae wouldn’t mind unless Frank was home.

          Hernan made breakfast, bustling around the kitchen in jeans and a tank top.  He ‘accidentally’ dropped some bacon for Max, which made Elsa giggle.  She watched him work, admiring the view, wondering about the various tattoos, until the smell of coffee and bacon dragged Mae from sleep.  Elsa heard her door open and poured her a cup of coffee and held it out to her as she stumbled into the kitchen.  Mae grunted a thank you and sat down at the table. 

          Hernan put a plate of bacon on the table, and Mae grunted again, grabbing a slice.  He glanced at Elsa, tilted his head at Mae.  “Not a morning person?”

          Elsa laughed.  “Not even a little.”

          Mae glared at them both and stuffed more bacon in her mouth.  Hernan snatched a piece off the plate, offering it to Elsa.  She grinned and took it from him by biting the other end.  He winked at her and went back to the stove.  Elsa ate the bacon while Hernan finished up the omelet he was making for her. 

          Mae had finished her coffee and got up to get a second cup.  She was looking less surly, and Elsa decided maybe conversation could happen, so she asked the question she’d been sitting on for a while.  “Did you or Frank see anything suspicious this morning?”

          Mae yawned and nodded.  “Frank says there was a camera in the hallway that wasn’t there a couple days ago, but he wanted to make sure it wasn’t the landlord before we destroyed it.  I’ll call them to find out, and if it’s not… Well, we’ll try to find out whose it is.”

          “Okay,” Elsa said, as Hernan slid the cheese-and-veggie omelet he’d made her in front of her.  She grabbed his shirt to pull him closer for a kiss, then dug into her eggs with a smile. 

          “Want some eggs?” Hernan asked Mae, trying to wipe the goofy grin off his face. 

          “No, thanks,” she said, hiding her own smile at their shenanigans behind her coffee cup.  She took a large drink of coffee, then spoke again.  “I am going to call the landlord, shower, and then check on a few things.  Frank said he set up a perimeter, so we should be safe until he gets home.  Anything trips his alarms, we’ll know.”  She gestured with the cup at the living room.  “He left gear in there.  Pick out what you’re comfortable with, and I’ll stow the rest.”

          Hernan nodded, continuing at the stove, making breakfast for himself.  Elsa was less sanguine, but…

          “Mae, do you think Frank would check my place out?  Help me make it more secure?”

          “Probably,” Mae said.  “You two going to stay there?”

          “For a while, I guess,” Elsa said.  “I mean, as long as we can be safe there.”  The thought of Hernan actually living with her made her stomach flutter.  She didn’t know why she was so nervous about having him stay with her, but she was.  She didn’t want to poke at it too much.  Not while there was still potentially a threat to him out there.

          “Of course you can,” Mae said.  “It won’t take long.  Your brownstone is pretty defensible, from what I remember.”

          Mae finished her coffee and wandered off, and Hernan sat down to eat.  Elsa finished her omelet and took a sip of her coffee, trying to settle, but unable to quiet her thoughts.  She finally gave up and rose. 

          “I’m going to take a look—”

          “At the guns?”  Hernan leaned back in his chair.  “What did you train with?”

          “Mae taught me with a 9mm and a rifle,” Elsa said.  “But it’s been a while.”

          Hernan finished his eggs and wiped his mouth with a napkin.  “Ever tried to use those powers of yours offensively?”

          Elsa was startled.  “I always used them to avoid situations like that.”

          “So, no?”

          “No,” she admitted. 

          “Do you think you could knock someone out?  Or overwhelm them somehow?”

          Elsa frowned.  “Maybe…”

          “Something to think about,” Hernan said, standing up and walking to her.  “I mean, avoidance is good but just in case.”

          “Yeah,” Elsa agreed, taking his hand and letting him pull her close.  They walked into the living room together, where Hernan picked up a handgun and checked it, sliding the clip out and then racking it to make sure it was clear.  His ease with the weapons reminded Elsa that he was far more experienced with them than she was.  She thought about his idea for her powers and wondered if it would work.  He picked up a smaller handgun, did a similar check, and then offered it to her. 

          “This looks like a good size for you.  Try it.”

          Elsa accepted the gun, double checked it was not loaded, and then hefted it and sighted with it.  “You’re right, it feels good.”

          “Good.”  He handed her the full clip and continued going through the weaponry. 

          Elsa could feel his pleasure.  He was comfortable with the guns in a way that she wasn’t, and he was enjoying this.  She was nervous about far too much right now.  She put the clip in the gun, checked the safety, and then reluctantly hefted it again.  Then she picked up the holster that Frank had thoughtfully left behind and holstered the gun.  She wasn’t sure how to wear the shoulder rig, but she’d figure that out later. 

          “Hey, have you used one of those?”

          “No…?” 

          “They can be tricky,” Hernan said, standing up.  “This one needs a belt.”  He walked over to her, taking the rig out of her hand, and held it up, showing her how it would sit on her shoulders.  “It looks like a good size for you.  Frank’s got a good eye.”

          “Are you surprised?”

          “No,” Hernan admitted.  He helped Elsa get the rig on and showed her how it would be stable with a belt.  “How’s it feel?  Can you draw?”

          Elsa tried, and found it awkward.  “My boob gets in the way,” she said with a blush and a laugh.

          Hernan laughed.  “Problems I never would have imagined,” he said.  “Want to try one of the others?”

          “Yes,” Elsa said reluctantly, as Mae wandered back out.  Her hair was damp, but she was fully dressed.  She eyed them, as Hernan was helping Elsa out of the shoulder harness, then shook her head.  “Shoulder harness will never work for you, El.  I can’t use them either.”

          “What did you use?”

          “Well, mostly a hip holster with thigh ammo attachments.  But if you’re looking for concealed, we’d have to go with a belly band or something similar.”

          Elsa sat down with the harness and loaded gun in her hand and shook her head.  Her reluctance had solidified into a bad feeling, and she realized it wasn’t just discomfort with the weapons.  It was something deeper.  “I don’t want to carry.”

          “Then don’t,” Mae said.  “We can put it somewhere, so you can have it here if you need it, but you don’t have to carry if you’re not comfortable with it.  Frank’s set it up so we’re pretty safe here, so we’ll find a place to keep your gun that you can get to quickly.”

          Elsa stared at the gun in her hand and tried to think about it logically.  But in her heart, however irrational it may be, she couldn’t shake the feeling that if she carried a gun something bad would happen. 

          “Elsa,” Hernan crouched in front of her.  “You ok?”

          “I just have a bad feeling,” she said softly.  “And…”  She caressed his cheek.  “I have a lot to lose now.”

          Hernan caught her hand in his and kissed the palm.  “All the more reason to fight, baby. We protect what’s ours.”

          “I will protect what’s mine with all that’s in me,” Elsa said.  “I just… can’t carry a gun.”

          Mae frowned.  “She’s right.”

          Hernan looked over at the other woman.  “What do you mean?”

          “I get the bad feeling too,” Mae said.  “Keep your weapon close, Hernan, but let Elsa figure something else out.”

          Hernan glanced at Elsa, then looked back at Mae.  “You got it.”

          Elsa was relieved by Hernan’s acceptance.  Because if Mae was getting the bad feeling, it was definitely not just nerves.  She smiled at her friend, then set the gun aside.  “Just tell me where you put it so I know.”

          “Hernan, set it on top of the cabinet above the counter.  You can reach that, right El?”

          Elsa followed Hernan into the kitchen, and once he had the gun safely hidden, she stretched up to make sure she could reach it.  She could, and Mae nodded approval.  Mae and Hernan talked weapons for a bit, and then started bickering like siblings.  Elsa found the normalcy reassuring.  When Frank finally returned home, it felt like a missing piece was back. 

          The next few days passed quietly, to Elsa’s relief.  Frank put out feelers and found nothing out on Shades.  Hernan himself checked with a few sources, and found he was banned from Harlem on pain of death.  Other than that, though, the underworld was quiet when it came to him.

          Frank and Mae joined them at the brownstone, to check it and set up safeguards just in case.  Elsa hadn’t seen any sign of the PI who had bothered her, nor had she seen any others.  She had a call in to Malcolm to keep an eye out, but he hadn’t heard anything since Frank and Mae had taken care of Smith. 

          Elsa had a feeling that Kisson wasn’t done, but Frank and Mae did a lot to reassure her with their preparations.  She had guns stowed in various places, hidden out of sight, thanks to them.  Hernan said he’d make sure they all stayed in good working order.  Elsa and he moved in together and started settling in.  Elsa went back to work, and life got as normal as it could.   


End file.
